"summer of eleven, its gonna be heaven" has officially (or unofficially depending on how you look at it) begun...yay!!!!
i spent the weekend down the shore...overall it was a really fun weekend...there were lots of people here...some drama that i tried to stay out of...and lots of laughs...i dont think i laughed so hard so many days in a row in a while...and thats saying a lot cause i laugh all the time...but now i am exahusted...sitting out in the sun all day really takes a lot outta ya...haha!...good thing i have off from work all week...i am so excited to sleep in everyday and do whatever i want all day...yess!!!
i saw the hangover part 2 saturday night...sooo funny!!!...if you havent seen it yet then you should go right now!!!...my advice to you is to go into it with an open mind...dont expect there to be a thought provoking plot...cause there isnt one...its exactly the same plot line as the first one...but know what? it doesnt matter...it was still laugh after laugh!!! it was awesome!!!...im laughing now just thinking about it!!...haha!!!!!
and finally you didnt think i would drop this crush bomb on you last time and then not say anything about it did you???...haha!!!!...so i think im gonna stick with clark kent...it just works...if you ever saw him you would be like hes totally not clark kent at all...but it really does work...and he can totally turn out to be my very own superman!...well thats the plan at least...haha!!... ; )
but of course theres a problem already...so heres the story...clark kent is going to aruba in september for a wedding...and ever since we found out about this wedding cool girl and i have been tellin sports guy to tell him to take us to aruba with him...cool girl was a little more vocal about wanting to go to aruba than i was so sports guys finally said something to clark kent...but he only mentioned her...which at the time i was totally okay with that cause i didnt admit to myself that i actually liked him and really wanted to go...since that first time sports guys said something a few weeks ago nothing else was said...
as you know thursday is when i realized that i am totally crushin on clark kent...friday sports guy came back from lunch and told us that he finally followed up about aruba...the way he made it sound is that clark kent is totally into taking cool girl to the wedding...noooo....so this means that they had an actual conversation about her and it seems like he asked a lot of questions and stuff...so now it would be weird to say oh no, not her, the other one...ugh...just my luck...but i guess its my fault...i could have totally said something earlier...but in true ashley fashion i kept my mouth shut...ugh...why am i so lame?!...haha!!...
yeah so now im not really too sure what to do...i guess im going to have to let sports guy know that all jokes aside i actually want to go out with clark kent...but thats just a really weird conversation to have...it would be like telling your uncle or something...like its okay if he knew but i dont know if i could tell him...i dont know...does that even make sense?!?...haha!!!...but i think thats the only way to move this along...because keep in mind we've never actually met...so yeah this whole thing is kindda weird...well i like i said earlier i have a whole week off from work...so i have some time to think about it...we shall see what happens!...fingers crossed it works out!!! =)
well i must be going now...i hope everyone had a fantabulous weekend!!!
(i dont know why but spell check isnt working so sorry for any mistakes!)
Monday, May 30, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
new crush
well....the day has finally come for me to say that im pretty sure i have a new crush...haha!...i feel like im at my most entertaining when im boy crazy...(maybe not, i dont know...what do you think???)...i havent talked much about boys since concert guy moved...and that was in the fall...so its been a while...i think its about time to get back into the spirit...summers coming and its always fun for me to imagine having that perfect summer romance...haha!
the reason i say pretty sure is because while ive never intentionally thought of him in a crushy sorta way, hes always been in the back of my mind as a possibility...(and by always i mean the few years ive known who he was)...but now im realizing that based on what i know we would actually be a good match...and now when i see him i lose my breath a little and get that quick butterfly feeling...ya know what i mean?!...but what makes this tricky is i dont even know him!...i mean i feel like i know him but we've never even spoken to each other...he probably doesnt even know my name...haha!...
so now im sure youre wondering how i feel like i know him if we've never met...the answer to that is easy: sports guy!...sports guy is a chatty cathy and talks about him all the time...cool girl and i know everything about him...haha!...we seem to have pretty similar personalities...
i feel like this is a guy that could actually work out...i think before i was always setting myself up for disaster...i think i was scared and subconsciously sabotaging myself...of course im still scared but i think im finally ready to take a real risk...or at least talk about taking a real risk...haha!
now the problem is how do i approach this???...cool girl and i are always joking about dating him but now i really do want to date him...so its weird...i dont know what to say...hmmm....anytime an opportunity comes up for me to say something about it i chicken out per usual...its gonna be tough to actually do something about this...
but for now i guess the only thing left to do is give him a cool blog name...oh man i have no idea what it should be...think...think...i got nothin...ill think about it some more and let you know what i come up with in my next post...
edit:: after talking with cool girl she suggested his cool blog name be clark kent...it totally works (even though he looks nothing like clark kent...haha!)...so clark kent it is...maybe ill shorten it some to clarky...wait that kinda sounds like a dog...haha!!...or maybe CK...or maybe ill just leave it as clark kent...i dont know...ugh...why am i so wishy washy?!?...haha!!!
well until next time happy blogging!!! =)
the reason i say pretty sure is because while ive never intentionally thought of him in a crushy sorta way, hes always been in the back of my mind as a possibility...(and by always i mean the few years ive known who he was)...but now im realizing that based on what i know we would actually be a good match...and now when i see him i lose my breath a little and get that quick butterfly feeling...ya know what i mean?!...but what makes this tricky is i dont even know him!...i mean i feel like i know him but we've never even spoken to each other...he probably doesnt even know my name...haha!...
so now im sure youre wondering how i feel like i know him if we've never met...the answer to that is easy: sports guy!...sports guy is a chatty cathy and talks about him all the time...cool girl and i know everything about him...haha!...we seem to have pretty similar personalities...
i feel like this is a guy that could actually work out...i think before i was always setting myself up for disaster...i think i was scared and subconsciously sabotaging myself...of course im still scared but i think im finally ready to take a real risk...or at least talk about taking a real risk...haha!
now the problem is how do i approach this???...cool girl and i are always joking about dating him but now i really do want to date him...so its weird...i dont know what to say...hmmm....anytime an opportunity comes up for me to say something about it i chicken out per usual...its gonna be tough to actually do something about this...
but for now i guess the only thing left to do is give him a cool blog name...oh man i have no idea what it should be...think...think...i got nothin...ill think about it some more and let you know what i come up with in my next post...
edit:: after talking with cool girl she suggested his cool blog name be clark kent...it totally works (even though he looks nothing like clark kent...haha!)...so clark kent it is...maybe ill shorten it some to clarky...wait that kinda sounds like a dog...haha!!...or maybe CK...or maybe ill just leave it as clark kent...i dont know...ugh...why am i so wishy washy?!?...haha!!!
well until next time happy blogging!!! =)
Saturday, May 21, 2011
long drive
well its 11:50 on friday night and im on my way to providence for little sister's graduation...im a little bit tired and a lot bit bored...haha!...bib sis is asleep in the back seat and my poppy is driving...and we all know how chatty he is...haha! (for those of you who dont know, my dad is a man of very few words)...i kept the conversation going for almost 2 hours...now im out of things to say...now we're sitting quietly in the car...and we still have about an hour left...so i thought to myself "self, what should i do know? hmm...i know! i'll write in my handy dandy blog!"...haha!
i dont really have anything of importance to say so this is probably ganna be a pretty rambley entry...maybe not...who knows!...wow...i dont even know what i should ramble about...hmmm...nope no ideas...i guess i could give a run down of some of the things ive got coming up this summer...yeah thats what ill do...
memorial day is right around the corner and with that the summer of eleven its gonna be heaven will begin...hiw is it almost summer already i feel like it was just summer of ten like yesterday...well anyway with mdw comes the first party of the summer...of course its gonna be great just like all of our parties dts!...what makes it even better this year is that i took that whole week off for my mandatory week of vacay...so no rushin back to work on tuesday...yesss!!!
june 2 i will be heading to mohegan sun with little sister for our first of 5 nkotBSB concerts!!!...less than 2 weeks away!...im so excited...this tour is gonna be huge and if you arent going than you are def missing out!!!...besides mohegan we'll be going to both izods, then to houston, and finally hershey park...ive signed up to make video diaries of each show...we'll see how that goes...ive never tried to edit a video together before...it should be interesting...haha!...if they come out somewhat successful i will attempt to post them here...
lets see...what else does the summer hold for me??? oh ill be planning a bridal shower and bachelorette party for the princess...that should be interesting...shes not geting married until december but i think the parties are gonna be in august sometime...so we gotta get crackin with the plans...
and then of course all the other weekends ill be dts! woot woot!!!...i cant wait!...even though we dont really do much while down there i still feel like im doing something instead of staying at home...
oh and also im doing the lose it all challange...im competing against some other girls going on BSBcruise2011...week 2 just ended and im in last place!...what?!...i better step up my game if i wanna win...i must admit that its the first time that ive actively tried to drop some lbs...its really hard...ugh!...hopefully i can get my act together and win this thing!! =)
oh look at that i just killed a half hour! yay!...haha!!...well i guess ill stop here...maybe ill close my eyes for a little bit...
i hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!!!
p.s- since im not home to edit this on a real computer its getting posted spelling mistakes and all!...haha! ; )
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
tough weekend
this past weekend i went to the shore to celebrate big sister's birthday...we went to the tiki bar which was fun...then later we went back to the house and thats when things turned real ugly real fast...
as you know (well at least i think you do) being chronically single is a very sensitive subject for me...i hate every part about it...and the fact that ive never even been on a date nor have i ever been kissed makes the whole thing even worse (and more embarrassing!) for me...its something that i think about EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!...most days i push it to the back of my mind and continue to live my life without it bringing my spirits down...but some days i cant push it away...saturday was one of those days...
it all started when f.u.n. brought up this story about adele...basically she said adele tried online dating using a fake name and no one wanted to date her because of her weight....well thats great...if freaking adele cant find a date how am i ever going to find one...why do guys have to be so shallow???...i have no interest in hearing stories like this one...it just makes me upset and feel like there is no hope for me and i will be alone forever...but in stead of freaking out after f.u.n. told the story i simply said what a terrible story and left the room...i tried to forget about it...
later on that night she decided it was necessary to tell the story again...before she even started i said please dont tell the story i dont like it...but she just had to tell it anyway...this time i couldnt just ignore it...i couldnt push back the tears anymore...
once they started to flow i couldnt stop them...it was uncontrollable...anytime anyone said anything i felt worse and more tears came...of course they werent saying just random things...no, they had to talk about being in love and how great it is...ugh....i wanted to scream "umm hello! im a mess right now because ive never been in love....now is not the time to say its awesome"....but of course i couldnt talk cause a) its extremely tough for me to actually say whats wrong and b) i would have just cried more if the words came out...
on top of that everyone was having their own issues that night...so then i felt bad cause my problems arent as bad as theirs...in fact they are pretty trivial...and yet i was the only one sitting there sobbing...i felt bad and then i felt stupid and it just led to more tears...but then i thought these feeling are real to me...they arent stupid...so why should i feel bad that this is how i feel...
i hate getting to the point when i cant stop crying...its awful...but sometimes it needs to happen...i need to let it out...i just get so sad thinking about the realistic possibility of being alone forever...it hurts my heart...its just soo hard to feel like nobody wants you...i guess the best way to describe it is i feel like im lost at sea on a teeny tiny boat...just drifting along all by myself...hoping and prying that one day someone will come rescue me...but no one ever comes...why is no one coming? where is my rescue boat i so desperately want???...its so lonely out here... =/
i dont want to cry over this time and time again...but reality is that i probably will...i was doing pretty good today but just writing all this out is bringing up all these emotions again...oh boy...*deep breath*...the really sad part is that i do absolutely nothing to change it...i could try online dating...but i dont...i could go out more to try to meet someone...but i dont...hey i could even tell sports guy at work to to set me up with his friend who works downstairs...but i dont...my life so far has shown me that boys want nothing to do with me...so its hard to put myself out there when im 99.9% sure that rejection will follow (i hate rejection!!)...its so much easier to sit at home and cry about it...ugh...im so lame...
im so sorry that ive been so doom and gloom lately...but this is the only outlet i have where i say how i truly feel...i find it a little easier to write the hard stuff than to say it...ya know....
but no worries...i will be okay...and i have some exciting things coming up this summer...so hopefully ill get talk about all of them and you can hear only happiness coming from this blog from now on...
love you all!!! <3 <3 <3
as you know (well at least i think you do) being chronically single is a very sensitive subject for me...i hate every part about it...and the fact that ive never even been on a date nor have i ever been kissed makes the whole thing even worse (and more embarrassing!) for me...its something that i think about EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!...most days i push it to the back of my mind and continue to live my life without it bringing my spirits down...but some days i cant push it away...saturday was one of those days...
it all started when f.u.n. brought up this story about adele...basically she said adele tried online dating using a fake name and no one wanted to date her because of her weight....well thats great...if freaking adele cant find a date how am i ever going to find one...why do guys have to be so shallow???...i have no interest in hearing stories like this one...it just makes me upset and feel like there is no hope for me and i will be alone forever...but in stead of freaking out after f.u.n. told the story i simply said what a terrible story and left the room...i tried to forget about it...
later on that night she decided it was necessary to tell the story again...before she even started i said please dont tell the story i dont like it...but she just had to tell it anyway...this time i couldnt just ignore it...i couldnt push back the tears anymore...
once they started to flow i couldnt stop them...it was uncontrollable...anytime anyone said anything i felt worse and more tears came...of course they werent saying just random things...no, they had to talk about being in love and how great it is...ugh....i wanted to scream "umm hello! im a mess right now because ive never been in love....now is not the time to say its awesome"....but of course i couldnt talk cause a) its extremely tough for me to actually say whats wrong and b) i would have just cried more if the words came out...
on top of that everyone was having their own issues that night...so then i felt bad cause my problems arent as bad as theirs...in fact they are pretty trivial...and yet i was the only one sitting there sobbing...i felt bad and then i felt stupid and it just led to more tears...but then i thought these feeling are real to me...they arent stupid...so why should i feel bad that this is how i feel...
i hate getting to the point when i cant stop crying...its awful...but sometimes it needs to happen...i need to let it out...i just get so sad thinking about the realistic possibility of being alone forever...it hurts my heart...its just soo hard to feel like nobody wants you...i guess the best way to describe it is i feel like im lost at sea on a teeny tiny boat...just drifting along all by myself...hoping and prying that one day someone will come rescue me...but no one ever comes...why is no one coming? where is my rescue boat i so desperately want???...its so lonely out here... =/
i dont want to cry over this time and time again...but reality is that i probably will...i was doing pretty good today but just writing all this out is bringing up all these emotions again...oh boy...*deep breath*...the really sad part is that i do absolutely nothing to change it...i could try online dating...but i dont...i could go out more to try to meet someone...but i dont...hey i could even tell sports guy at work to to set me up with his friend who works downstairs...but i dont...my life so far has shown me that boys want nothing to do with me...so its hard to put myself out there when im 99.9% sure that rejection will follow (i hate rejection!!)...its so much easier to sit at home and cry about it...ugh...im so lame...
im so sorry that ive been so doom and gloom lately...but this is the only outlet i have where i say how i truly feel...i find it a little easier to write the hard stuff than to say it...ya know....
but no worries...i will be okay...and i have some exciting things coming up this summer...so hopefully ill get talk about all of them and you can hear only happiness coming from this blog from now on...
love you all!!! <3 <3 <3
Monday, May 2, 2011
2nd annual birthday bash!
as you may or may not know my birthday is coming up on friday!!! AHHHHH!!!...the big two six!...im excited but im still freaking out just a tad on the inside...but thats not what im here to talk about...i want to talk about this past weekend and my awesome birthday bash!!!
it wasnt out of control like last year when we had burgers flying all over the place (yess actual burgers were being thrown...haha!)...but it was still a ton of fun!!!...there was also a lot less people there this year...which probably contributed to the less wild vibe...haha!...but the people who were in attendance this year are good quality people and i love all of them! <3...
well i guess a recap would be nice...right?!
it really wasnt a super nice day down the shore...so we kinda bummed around all day...i had plans of doing my hair nice and actually wearing make up but since everyone was so relaxed i just said "eh, why bother?...birthday party in sweats! even better!!!"...haha!!!
we watched mean girls...i know a lot of people love it but to me its just okay...it def has some really great lines but im not in love with it as a whole...next we put in the hangover...which i love but i didnt really feel like watching movies any more...so while some were watching cait and i moved to the kitchen and proceeded to do old choreo...i love doing old dances with cait but its been a while so we were beat after a few...back in the day we could have gone all night...haha!...we took a small breather outside and when we came back in everyone was playing cards...i always like watching the card games...i think the never have i ever segment of kings is my fav...you learn so much about people...and whats even better is kings always turns into just never have i ever...haha!...and just an fyi i rock at never have i ever...i cant lose!!!...except for those tricky backwards questions...and people saying things like "never have i ever been on a backstreet boys cruise"...those get me every time!...haha!!! (wait...is that a good thing?!?...haha!)...
well thats pretty much it...it might sound lame but if you were there you would agree that it was not lame...everyone had a great time!!!!...and more importantly i had a great time!!! =)
the only thing i regret is that i didnt follow through with the plan i had set in my head involving blla...the mayor told me i should go for it because he already leaked the plan to blla the night before (or that morning im not sure or maybe he didnt leak the plan...i really dont know now...hmmm)...but of course i didnt (big surprise right?)...there really wasnt a good time to bring it up so i didnt...and im clearly not going to force the issue...maybe another time...the plan isnt completely off the table so we shall see what happens in the future...im gonna say that im still hopeful...haha!!! =)
and thats about it...my guests suggested that i have a birthday every year...so i said hey, if im gonna have a birthday every year there should be a bash to go along with them!...youre hearing it here first mark your calendars for my 3rd annual birthday bash...may 5 2012!!!...its gonna be a good one so try not to miss it!!! haha!!!!
i hope everyone had an awesome weekend too!!!
love ya! <3
it wasnt out of control like last year when we had burgers flying all over the place (yess actual burgers were being thrown...haha!)...but it was still a ton of fun!!!...there was also a lot less people there this year...which probably contributed to the less wild vibe...haha!...but the people who were in attendance this year are good quality people and i love all of them! <3...
well i guess a recap would be nice...right?!
it really wasnt a super nice day down the shore...so we kinda bummed around all day...i had plans of doing my hair nice and actually wearing make up but since everyone was so relaxed i just said "eh, why bother?...birthday party in sweats! even better!!!"...haha!!!
we watched mean girls...i know a lot of people love it but to me its just okay...it def has some really great lines but im not in love with it as a whole...next we put in the hangover...which i love but i didnt really feel like watching movies any more...so while some were watching cait and i moved to the kitchen and proceeded to do old choreo...i love doing old dances with cait but its been a while so we were beat after a few...back in the day we could have gone all night...haha!...we took a small breather outside and when we came back in everyone was playing cards...i always like watching the card games...i think the never have i ever segment of kings is my fav...you learn so much about people...and whats even better is kings always turns into just never have i ever...haha!...and just an fyi i rock at never have i ever...i cant lose!!!...except for those tricky backwards questions...and people saying things like "never have i ever been on a backstreet boys cruise"...those get me every time!...haha!!! (wait...is that a good thing?!?...haha!)...
well thats pretty much it...it might sound lame but if you were there you would agree that it was not lame...everyone had a great time!!!!...and more importantly i had a great time!!! =)
the only thing i regret is that i didnt follow through with the plan i had set in my head involving blla...the mayor told me i should go for it because he already leaked the plan to blla the night before (or that morning im not sure or maybe he didnt leak the plan...i really dont know now...hmmm)...but of course i didnt (big surprise right?)...there really wasnt a good time to bring it up so i didnt...and im clearly not going to force the issue...maybe another time...the plan isnt completely off the table so we shall see what happens in the future...im gonna say that im still hopeful...haha!!! =)
and thats about it...my guests suggested that i have a birthday every year...so i said hey, if im gonna have a birthday every year there should be a bash to go along with them!...youre hearing it here first mark your calendars for my 3rd annual birthday bash...may 5 2012!!!...its gonna be a good one so try not to miss it!!! haha!!!!
i hope everyone had an awesome weekend too!!!
love ya! <3
Friday, April 29, 2011
sometimes i just dont get it
on wednesday morning i ran into one of my ex best friends at the train station...there was no awkwardness at all...it was like we never stopped being friends and jumped right into chatting away...and its times like that one that make me wonder why we even stopped being friends to begin with...and it always makes me a little sad...i just dont get it...so before i go any further how about i share the story of our friendship...
it all started back in mr. himber's 10th grade english class...that was school year 2000-2001...10 years ago...wow!...he was new to the school and thanks to alphabetical order he sat behind me...we worked on a project together and i slowly began to develop a crush on him...he was cute and it was so easy to talk to him and we had a ton in common and we got along so well...at that point we were really just friends in english class...
then 11th grade came rolling around and we were in a few classes together...including study hall...so we had time to actually talk to each other for substantial amounts of time instead of a few minutes before of after class...we became super close to each other and to 2 other girls in our study hall...the four of us were pretty much inseparable...if i wasnt at school or dance class i was hanging out with them or on the phone with them or chatting on aim with them...even though we were all close friends i was always closest to him...and even though i was crushin hard on him i never let that get in the way of our friendship and i was never nervous around him...it was always so easy...it was like we completely understood each other...he even understood all the dumb things that drove me crazy...because they drove him crazy too...we were totally two peas in a pod...
junior year was awesome!...then summer came rollin around...he came down the shore with me all the time...he even came to vegas with me on vacation at the end of the summer...we had so much fun!...then i blew it...on the flight home i wrote him this huge note telling him how i felt...and clearly he had no interest in any sort of romantic relationship with me...this should have been something that was devastating to me...but at the time it really wasnt (i think it def had a long term effect on my confidence...but thats another story for another time)...i dont even remember if i cried or not...i think i was more worried about our awesome friendship being ruined over one stupid note than i was upset about my crush not liking me back...when we got back home we never actually talked about it...we just exchanged a few emails...even back then i was better at writing my feelings instead of speaking them...when we saw each other in person it was slightly awkward at first but not really too bad...we were right back to normal...
senior year started and everything was great...we hung out almost every day after school and on the weekends and stuff...the 4 of us always had so much fun together...there was never any drama...we even planned a trip to disney world after graduation...i was a happy camper...then around january or februaryish everyone started talking about prom...he told us he was gonna ask this girl to go with him...they knew each other but werent super close friends...so he asked her to go to prom and i said hey if you guys are gonna go to the prom together then you should hang out some...so i started to invite her to hang out with us...soon after her group of 4 friends joined our group of 4 friends and we became a group of 8...this was great for a while...until they started to phase me out of the group...to this day i still have no idea why they did this...i even confronted him about it and never really got an answer...i was so invested in my friendship with not just him but all of them that all the drama with them and feeling like they were cutting me out really made the tail end of senior year miserable...this time i definitely cried...more than once...oh and he started dating the girl he went to prom with and didnt even tell me...we were supposed to be best friends, thats the kinda thing you tell your best friend...right?!...well anyway...we graduated and went to disney together...but i was so unhappy that i didnt even want to go to disney...me not want to go to disney? are you kidding?! nope! not kidding...i did not want to go...but i did and we had a good time but it just wasnt as good as it could have been...and that summer i saw them about 3 times...that was it
you would think that the story would end there...nope...we both decided to go to the same college...and we had the same major...having the same major at a small school equals lots of classes together...and again even though things kinda blew up at the end of high school we were back to being friends...we didnt see each other ALL THE TIME like we used to but in class and between classes we still talked to each other...we still had tons of things in common...we still had fun and laughed alot...but we really didnt hang out outside of school like we used to...not helping that was the fact that i lived at home and he lived on campus...but like i said we we still friends...well at least i thought we were...
four years of college went by just like that...i realized that it was always great when it was just the two of us...juat like it always was...and even though he was still really close to everyone else in that group of 8 from high school, i very rarely saw any of them...which leads me to believe that its one of them who didnt like me but i cant be sure...so i totally gave up on having any sort of friendship with them...but i was trying to hold onto my friendship with him as long as possible...it was hard and i knew i couldnt do it much longer...especially after we finished college...
so after 7 years of friendship the day finally came when i had to let go...i was on my way to another friend's graduation party and passed by his house...only to see that he was having a huge graduation party...a party that i was not invited to...that was it...i was done...i couldnt keep trying to hold a friendship together that he clearly wanted no part of...
that was almost 4 years ago...since then i think we saw each other maybe 3 or 4 times...no 3 times...we went to dinner once...and i saw him on the train twice...and each time its like we never parted ways...thanks to facebook we know whats going on in each others lives...last fall he married the girl he went to the senior prom with...so we dont really need to waste a ton of time catching up...we just get right back into everything we used to talk about...like tv shows and what we think about this or that...just normal things that friends would talk about...
so thats the story...and thats why i dont understand why we arent friends anymore...it doesnt really make any sense to me...if someone can point out what happened that would be ne great...but i think it will just have to be one of the unanswered questions in life...
if youre still reading this sorry its soo long...but seeing him brings back so many memories...and i just had to write about it, let it all out, so it wouldnt consume my thoughts for the next few days...
well thats all for now...until next time, happy blogging!!!
it all started back in mr. himber's 10th grade english class...that was school year 2000-2001...10 years ago...wow!...he was new to the school and thanks to alphabetical order he sat behind me...we worked on a project together and i slowly began to develop a crush on him...he was cute and it was so easy to talk to him and we had a ton in common and we got along so well...at that point we were really just friends in english class...
then 11th grade came rolling around and we were in a few classes together...including study hall...so we had time to actually talk to each other for substantial amounts of time instead of a few minutes before of after class...we became super close to each other and to 2 other girls in our study hall...the four of us were pretty much inseparable...if i wasnt at school or dance class i was hanging out with them or on the phone with them or chatting on aim with them...even though we were all close friends i was always closest to him...and even though i was crushin hard on him i never let that get in the way of our friendship and i was never nervous around him...it was always so easy...it was like we completely understood each other...he even understood all the dumb things that drove me crazy...because they drove him crazy too...we were totally two peas in a pod...
junior year was awesome!...then summer came rollin around...he came down the shore with me all the time...he even came to vegas with me on vacation at the end of the summer...we had so much fun!...then i blew it...on the flight home i wrote him this huge note telling him how i felt...and clearly he had no interest in any sort of romantic relationship with me...this should have been something that was devastating to me...but at the time it really wasnt (i think it def had a long term effect on my confidence...but thats another story for another time)...i dont even remember if i cried or not...i think i was more worried about our awesome friendship being ruined over one stupid note than i was upset about my crush not liking me back...when we got back home we never actually talked about it...we just exchanged a few emails...even back then i was better at writing my feelings instead of speaking them...when we saw each other in person it was slightly awkward at first but not really too bad...we were right back to normal...
senior year started and everything was great...we hung out almost every day after school and on the weekends and stuff...the 4 of us always had so much fun together...there was never any drama...we even planned a trip to disney world after graduation...i was a happy camper...then around january or februaryish everyone started talking about prom...he told us he was gonna ask this girl to go with him...they knew each other but werent super close friends...so he asked her to go to prom and i said hey if you guys are gonna go to the prom together then you should hang out some...so i started to invite her to hang out with us...soon after her group of 4 friends joined our group of 4 friends and we became a group of 8...this was great for a while...until they started to phase me out of the group...to this day i still have no idea why they did this...i even confronted him about it and never really got an answer...i was so invested in my friendship with not just him but all of them that all the drama with them and feeling like they were cutting me out really made the tail end of senior year miserable...this time i definitely cried...more than once...oh and he started dating the girl he went to prom with and didnt even tell me...we were supposed to be best friends, thats the kinda thing you tell your best friend...right?!...well anyway...we graduated and went to disney together...but i was so unhappy that i didnt even want to go to disney...me not want to go to disney? are you kidding?! nope! not kidding...i did not want to go...but i did and we had a good time but it just wasnt as good as it could have been...and that summer i saw them about 3 times...that was it
you would think that the story would end there...nope...we both decided to go to the same college...and we had the same major...having the same major at a small school equals lots of classes together...and again even though things kinda blew up at the end of high school we were back to being friends...we didnt see each other ALL THE TIME like we used to but in class and between classes we still talked to each other...we still had tons of things in common...we still had fun and laughed alot...but we really didnt hang out outside of school like we used to...not helping that was the fact that i lived at home and he lived on campus...but like i said we we still friends...well at least i thought we were...
four years of college went by just like that...i realized that it was always great when it was just the two of us...juat like it always was...and even though he was still really close to everyone else in that group of 8 from high school, i very rarely saw any of them...which leads me to believe that its one of them who didnt like me but i cant be sure...so i totally gave up on having any sort of friendship with them...but i was trying to hold onto my friendship with him as long as possible...it was hard and i knew i couldnt do it much longer...especially after we finished college...
so after 7 years of friendship the day finally came when i had to let go...i was on my way to another friend's graduation party and passed by his house...only to see that he was having a huge graduation party...a party that i was not invited to...that was it...i was done...i couldnt keep trying to hold a friendship together that he clearly wanted no part of...
that was almost 4 years ago...since then i think we saw each other maybe 3 or 4 times...no 3 times...we went to dinner once...and i saw him on the train twice...and each time its like we never parted ways...thanks to facebook we know whats going on in each others lives...last fall he married the girl he went to the senior prom with...so we dont really need to waste a ton of time catching up...we just get right back into everything we used to talk about...like tv shows and what we think about this or that...just normal things that friends would talk about...
so thats the story...and thats why i dont understand why we arent friends anymore...it doesnt really make any sense to me...if someone can point out what happened that would be ne great...but i think it will just have to be one of the unanswered questions in life...
if youre still reading this sorry its soo long...but seeing him brings back so many memories...and i just had to write about it, let it all out, so it wouldnt consume my thoughts for the next few days...
well thats all for now...until next time, happy blogging!!!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
its a smiley kinda day
hey bloggers!
i'm back!...thats right happy ashley is back in action!!! its really a combination of things that turned my frown upside down...last week i felt like crying all the time but this week i cant help but smile! =)
first i took a deep breath and realized my life really isnt that bad...as far as life experience goes my romance column is blank but so what?...i have plenty of other columns that are full...and whatever has (or has not) happened to me in the past is in the past...its impossible to change, so why dwell on it???...im done saying "well this is what's happened to me before so why will anything be different going forward"...now i say whatever happens happens...and there is no need for my past to dictate my future!...i am awesome!...if other people dont see that then thats their loss not mine!
im also in birthday bash planning mode...which isnt much except for telling some people when and where to show up...haha!...im excited to celebrate my birthday...i feel like i do a lot for everyone else all the time...im totally a people pleaser...but my birthday is my day to have it my way...and thats the way i like it! (10 points if you just thought of the bsb song...haha!)
but the one thing that really tipped the scales of course has to do with my boys...i know youre all so surprised by this...haha...yesterday was backstreet boys 18th anniversary!...there was sooo much backstreet love out there yesterday it was insane...it was mostly on twitter but it was still out there...my timeline was flooded with bsb love all day!...celebrating all day got me so excited for the nkotBSB tour this summer and for the cruise in december...they seem so much more excited for this years cruise than last years cruise which in turn makes me more excited!...haha!...for a long time little sis and i felt like we were among the very few fans left but now i know thats totally not true...and it feels good to be part of one big happy fan community!!!...oh and nkotbsb will be on dwts next week...so make sure you tune in tuesday night at 9 for some awesomeness!!!
so my advice to everyone today is to get out there and do whatever it is that makes you happy!...being happy is way better than being sad!!! =)
i'm back!...thats right happy ashley is back in action!!! its really a combination of things that turned my frown upside down...last week i felt like crying all the time but this week i cant help but smile! =)
first i took a deep breath and realized my life really isnt that bad...as far as life experience goes my romance column is blank but so what?...i have plenty of other columns that are full...and whatever has (or has not) happened to me in the past is in the past...its impossible to change, so why dwell on it???...im done saying "well this is what's happened to me before so why will anything be different going forward"...now i say whatever happens happens...and there is no need for my past to dictate my future!...i am awesome!...if other people dont see that then thats their loss not mine!
im also in birthday bash planning mode...which isnt much except for telling some people when and where to show up...haha!...im excited to celebrate my birthday...i feel like i do a lot for everyone else all the time...im totally a people pleaser...but my birthday is my day to have it my way...and thats the way i like it! (10 points if you just thought of the bsb song...haha!)
but the one thing that really tipped the scales of course has to do with my boys...i know youre all so surprised by this...haha...yesterday was backstreet boys 18th anniversary!...there was sooo much backstreet love out there yesterday it was insane...it was mostly on twitter but it was still out there...my timeline was flooded with bsb love all day!...celebrating all day got me so excited for the nkotBSB tour this summer and for the cruise in december...they seem so much more excited for this years cruise than last years cruise which in turn makes me more excited!...haha!...for a long time little sis and i felt like we were among the very few fans left but now i know thats totally not true...and it feels good to be part of one big happy fan community!!!...oh and nkotbsb will be on dwts next week...so make sure you tune in tuesday night at 9 for some awesomeness!!!
so my advice to everyone today is to get out there and do whatever it is that makes you happy!...being happy is way better than being sad!!! =)
Sunday, April 17, 2011
bsb icebreakers
first i want to apologize to those of you who normally read this blog and have no interest in backstreet boys...its a very exciting time to be a fan right now so i find my self wanting to talk about them all the time!...haha!
second i want to thank laura for posting these icebreakers on her blog...i thought it was a great idea...so i stole the questions and want to answer them...
third...well i dont really have a third it just sounded good...haha!...now on to the questions...
~who is your fav backstreet boy and why?
howie is my fav!!!...he became my fave when i saw the picture for the everybody single...i dont know there was just something about the picture that made me say omg!...and then add that to the qpg rain scene...oh man!...i also liked that he wasnt as popular...hes was like the underdog and i like that!...now i think he looks better than ever!!!...(short hair is WAY better than that long hair he had going on for a while...ugh)
~ what's the craziest thing youve ever done for the backstreet boys?
i think just the sheer number of times ive gone to their concerts...while i know that there are fans out there who have been to more than me but i havent met them yet...if you count the cruise as 1 show then i have been to 34 bsb concerts!...ive gone all over to see them...jersey (obvi)...vegas...kentucky...new york... minnesota...florida...connecticut...north carolina...philly...middle of the ocean...im going to texas this summer...i even crossed the atlantic and saw a concert in london...i think thats it...but back in the day just going to the concert wasnt enough...we had to get there early in the morning and wait outside the venue all day!...sounds crazy i know...but sometimes it paid off...ill talk about those a few questions down...haha!... =)
~favorite album?
its hard to pick because i love all of their 7 albums...but if i had to pick just one i think i would go with THIS IS US...i love every single song from start to finish...its such a fun album!!!
~ favorite song?
i def cant pick just one...as you can tell from my post a few weeks ago...haha!...but at the top of the list would def be ALL I HAVE TO GIVE...SHOW ME THE MEANING... SHATTERED...TROUBLE IS...omg there are so many that i love!!! haha!
~least favorite song
this is easier than it should be...but im not a fan of i want it that way (ducks for cover)...i know i know...youre screaming at me "how can you not like iwitw?!"...the answer is simple...its not that i dont like it, its just my least favorite...its their most popular song by far but thats what makes me kinda sad...i think they have sooo many songs that are sooo much better but not too many people know those...they only know iwitw...and at their concerts the crowd goes wild for the song...its like some people came only for that one song and thats it...and i say well what about the rest of the songs!...haha!
~most memorable bsb moment
i have a few...first is the cruise...the whole thing was amazing!!...if you havent done so already you can check out my detailed recap...links are at the bottom...
next would be seeing howie in charlotte airport...wow...i still cant believe that happened...i recaped that too...the link is at the bottom
there are also the 3 times that sitting infront of a concert venue all day actually paid off...1 time we saw howie walking to his bus durring the never gone tour...this was the first time i saw him up close...some how i managed to ask for a picture (which is framed and on my night stand...haha!)...the other 2 times were getting into fan conferences...those were so cool!!...they were just like a press conference but for the fans instead...anyone who wanted to could line up and ask questions to them...you couldnt ask for hugs or autographs but it was still great just to be able to ask any questions at all... =)
~which bsb has your fav voice?
this is hard for me because i think they all sound so fabulous...but if i had to pick just one i think i would go wiiiith: AJ!
~what made you become a fan?
i think i have an entry about this but im not sure...ill have to check the archives and if there is one ill post the link at the bottom...but i can give you the short answer to this question now...i started to become a true fan durring spring break '98 (i was in 7th grade...lol)...we were in vegas and little sis saw an ad for a bsb concert on august 7...my mom got us tickets for this concert...so i thought well if im gonna go to this concert i should start to like this group...i studied up from april to august so when it was time to go to the concert i was in love...but actually going to the concert is what sealed the deal for life!!!
~which bsb are you most like and why?
well the easy answer here is NICK...based on all the same answers we had durring the question and answer from the cruise how could i not say nick...haha!!!
well thats it folks!...for more details to some of these questions dont be afraid to click on the links below...also feel free to answer these questions yourself...i love hearing everyone's stories!!!
How Can You Pick Just 5 Fav BSB Songs?
BSB Cruise 2010 - Day 1
BSB Cruise 2010 - Day 2
BSB Cruise 2010 - Day 3
BSB Cruise 2010 - Day 4
How I Almost Met Howie D!
This Is How I Became a Fan
second i want to thank laura for posting these icebreakers on her blog...i thought it was a great idea...so i stole the questions and want to answer them...
third...well i dont really have a third it just sounded good...haha!...now on to the questions...
~who is your fav backstreet boy and why?
howie is my fav!!!...he became my fave when i saw the picture for the everybody single...i dont know there was just something about the picture that made me say omg!...and then add that to the qpg rain scene...oh man!...i also liked that he wasnt as popular...hes was like the underdog and i like that!...now i think he looks better than ever!!!...(short hair is WAY better than that long hair he had going on for a while...ugh)
~ what's the craziest thing youve ever done for the backstreet boys?
i think just the sheer number of times ive gone to their concerts...while i know that there are fans out there who have been to more than me but i havent met them yet...if you count the cruise as 1 show then i have been to 34 bsb concerts!...ive gone all over to see them...jersey (obvi)...vegas...kentucky...new york... minnesota...florida...connecticut...north carolina...philly...middle of the ocean...im going to texas this summer...i even crossed the atlantic and saw a concert in london...i think thats it...but back in the day just going to the concert wasnt enough...we had to get there early in the morning and wait outside the venue all day!...sounds crazy i know...but sometimes it paid off...ill talk about those a few questions down...haha!... =)
~favorite album?
its hard to pick because i love all of their 7 albums...but if i had to pick just one i think i would go with THIS IS US...i love every single song from start to finish...its such a fun album!!!
~ favorite song?
i def cant pick just one...as you can tell from my post a few weeks ago...haha!...but at the top of the list would def be ALL I HAVE TO GIVE...SHOW ME THE MEANING... SHATTERED...TROUBLE IS...omg there are so many that i love!!! haha!
~least favorite song
this is easier than it should be...but im not a fan of i want it that way (ducks for cover)...i know i know...youre screaming at me "how can you not like iwitw?!"...the answer is simple...its not that i dont like it, its just my least favorite...its their most popular song by far but thats what makes me kinda sad...i think they have sooo many songs that are sooo much better but not too many people know those...they only know iwitw...and at their concerts the crowd goes wild for the song...its like some people came only for that one song and thats it...and i say well what about the rest of the songs!...haha!
~most memorable bsb moment
i have a few...first is the cruise...the whole thing was amazing!!...if you havent done so already you can check out my detailed recap...links are at the bottom...
next would be seeing howie in charlotte airport...wow...i still cant believe that happened...i recaped that too...the link is at the bottom
there are also the 3 times that sitting infront of a concert venue all day actually paid off...1 time we saw howie walking to his bus durring the never gone tour...this was the first time i saw him up close...some how i managed to ask for a picture (which is framed and on my night stand...haha!)...the other 2 times were getting into fan conferences...those were so cool!!...they were just like a press conference but for the fans instead...anyone who wanted to could line up and ask questions to them...you couldnt ask for hugs or autographs but it was still great just to be able to ask any questions at all... =)
~which bsb has your fav voice?
this is hard for me because i think they all sound so fabulous...but if i had to pick just one i think i would go wiiiith: AJ!
~what made you become a fan?
i think i have an entry about this but im not sure...ill have to check the archives and if there is one ill post the link at the bottom...but i can give you the short answer to this question now...i started to become a true fan durring spring break '98 (i was in 7th grade...lol)...we were in vegas and little sis saw an ad for a bsb concert on august 7...my mom got us tickets for this concert...so i thought well if im gonna go to this concert i should start to like this group...i studied up from april to august so when it was time to go to the concert i was in love...but actually going to the concert is what sealed the deal for life!!!
~which bsb are you most like and why?
well the easy answer here is NICK...based on all the same answers we had durring the question and answer from the cruise how could i not say nick...haha!!!
well thats it folks!...for more details to some of these questions dont be afraid to click on the links below...also feel free to answer these questions yourself...i love hearing everyone's stories!!!
How Can You Pick Just 5 Fav BSB Songs?
BSB Cruise 2010 - Day 1
BSB Cruise 2010 - Day 2
BSB Cruise 2010 - Day 3
BSB Cruise 2010 - Day 4
How I Almost Met Howie D!
This Is How I Became a Fan
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
oh april
here we are...its the middle of april already...can you believe it?!
ive always had a secret love hate relationship with this month...on the outside i love it...whats not to love?...the weather is getting warmer...it stays light later...and most importantly it means my birthday is coming up! yay!...i love my birthday!!! haha!...
but on the inside april is the exact time of year when i start to panic...i start to think omg my birthday is in a month!...its not really anxiety over getting older because my age doesnt really bother me (it is what it is and everyone has one...haha!)...its more anxiety over all the things i havent done yet but should have...its like a big giant reminder that another year has gone without accomplishing important life goals...and then it leads me to wonder if things are gonna be like this forever and i should just accept my fate...or if things are gonna change for me and if so, when will that be???...
i have to admit that my anxiety is slightly greater this year than it was last year...i think a lot of that has to do with the fact that last year at this time i had myself totally convinced that concert guy would be the answer to a lot of my problems...in this loosely based on reality world i created and thought i was living in, he would be my michael vartan...he would save me from lame central...so i wasnt too worried...
this year is totally different...im back to reality and realize its not lookin too good...i have no crush to pretend to be my hero...i have no crazy plan for this hero to rescue me...i have no light shining at the end of the tunnel...i have no hope that anything will change in the next month...i have nothing...except for the same heartache ive had forever...and it stinks!!! boooo!!!...the good news is i havent cried about it yet (and by yet i mean since april first...haha!)...
so now here i am, 22 days until my birthday comes on may 6 and i will officially be 26 years old...at that point i will be forced to stop referring to myself as josie grosie...and i will start saying i am coach beiste (pronounced beast) instead...and looking at the positive this name wont expire until im 40...thats great, isnt it?....haha!!! ; )
p.s.~ sorry to be on the doom and gloom side today but sometimes ya just gotta let it out ya know...
ive always had a secret love hate relationship with this month...on the outside i love it...whats not to love?...the weather is getting warmer...it stays light later...and most importantly it means my birthday is coming up! yay!...i love my birthday!!! haha!...
but on the inside april is the exact time of year when i start to panic...i start to think omg my birthday is in a month!...its not really anxiety over getting older because my age doesnt really bother me (it is what it is and everyone has one...haha!)...its more anxiety over all the things i havent done yet but should have...its like a big giant reminder that another year has gone without accomplishing important life goals...and then it leads me to wonder if things are gonna be like this forever and i should just accept my fate...or if things are gonna change for me and if so, when will that be???...
i have to admit that my anxiety is slightly greater this year than it was last year...i think a lot of that has to do with the fact that last year at this time i had myself totally convinced that concert guy would be the answer to a lot of my problems...in this loosely based on reality world i created and thought i was living in, he would be my michael vartan...he would save me from lame central...so i wasnt too worried...
this year is totally different...im back to reality and realize its not lookin too good...i have no crush to pretend to be my hero...i have no crazy plan for this hero to rescue me...i have no light shining at the end of the tunnel...i have no hope that anything will change in the next month...i have nothing...except for the same heartache ive had forever...and it stinks!!! boooo!!!...the good news is i havent cried about it yet (and by yet i mean since april first...haha!)...
so now here i am, 22 days until my birthday comes on may 6 and i will officially be 26 years old...at that point i will be forced to stop referring to myself as josie grosie...and i will start saying i am coach beiste (pronounced beast) instead...and looking at the positive this name wont expire until im 40...thats great, isnt it?....haha!!! ; )
p.s.~ sorry to be on the doom and gloom side today but sometimes ya just gotta let it out ya know...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
ready to go
yesterday was cruise booking day! yay!!! thats right folks...little sis and i are all signed up and ready to go on BACKSTREET BOYS CRUISE 2011...ahhhh!!!!...the cruise isnt until december but im excited now!!!...haha!
this year its only gonna be three nights instead of four nights like last year...we are also switching ships...neither of which im too thrilled about but none of it really matters because last year was so much fun, its impossible to pass up this years...shockingly enough i did consider skipping this year and going again in 2012...after i went through a list of reasons why i shouldnt go (too expensive, less days, old boat, the princess' wedding the week after, etc)...i said "oh who am i kidding, of course im gonna find a way to go!"...haha!!!
going into booking day little sis and i had a plan...we decided we wanted to get a grand suite...with a grand suite you are guaranteed the first 3 rows for all events!!...this needed to happen to avoid the great last row debacle of 2010...haha...so at noon i started to hit the link to book...of course it didnt go through...i got "server busy please try again" for over a half hour...ugh...and when i finally got on all the grand suits were gone!...double ugh!...so we ended up getting an ocean suite instead...which is still good but not great...the whole thing was very stressful...oh well...at least we have a cabin and we are still guaranteed first 4 rows so yay!!!
i am so excited for this trip...its going to be awesome!...and as a bonus ill be able to get some type of tan for the wedding...yay!
now all i have to think about is door dec...we've had a ton of ideas but none of them are really as good as last year...i still dont know how to top that door of awesomeness!...haha!
well i must be going now...until next time happy blogging! =)
this year its only gonna be three nights instead of four nights like last year...we are also switching ships...neither of which im too thrilled about but none of it really matters because last year was so much fun, its impossible to pass up this years...shockingly enough i did consider skipping this year and going again in 2012...after i went through a list of reasons why i shouldnt go (too expensive, less days, old boat, the princess' wedding the week after, etc)...i said "oh who am i kidding, of course im gonna find a way to go!"...haha!!!
going into booking day little sis and i had a plan...we decided we wanted to get a grand suite...with a grand suite you are guaranteed the first 3 rows for all events!!...this needed to happen to avoid the great last row debacle of 2010...haha...so at noon i started to hit the link to book...of course it didnt go through...i got "server busy please try again" for over a half hour...ugh...and when i finally got on all the grand suits were gone!...double ugh!...so we ended up getting an ocean suite instead...which is still good but not great...the whole thing was very stressful...oh well...at least we have a cabin and we are still guaranteed first 4 rows so yay!!!
i am so excited for this trip...its going to be awesome!...and as a bonus ill be able to get some type of tan for the wedding...yay!
now all i have to think about is door dec...we've had a ton of ideas but none of them are really as good as last year...i still dont know how to top that door of awesomeness!...haha!
well i must be going now...until next time happy blogging! =)
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