on wednesday morning i ran into one of my ex best friends at the train station...there was no awkwardness at all...it was like we never stopped being friends and jumped right into chatting away...and its times like that one that make me wonder why we even stopped being friends to begin with...and it always makes me a little sad...i just dont get it...so before i go any further how about i share the story of our friendship...
it all started back in mr. himber's 10th grade english class...that was school year 2000-2001...10 years ago...wow!...he was new to the school and thanks to alphabetical order he sat behind me...we worked on a project together and i slowly began to develop a crush on him...he was cute and it was so easy to talk to him and we had a ton in common and we got along so well...at that point we were really just friends in english class...
then 11th grade came rolling around and we were in a few classes together...including study hall...so we had time to actually talk to each other for substantial amounts of time instead of a few minutes before of after class...we became super close to each other and to 2 other girls in our study hall...the four of us were pretty much inseparable...if i wasnt at school or dance class i was hanging out with them or on the phone with them or chatting on aim with them...even though we were all close friends i was always closest to him...and even though i was crushin hard on him i never let that get in the way of our friendship and i was never nervous around him...it was always so easy...it was like we completely understood each other...he even understood all the dumb things that drove me crazy...because they drove him crazy too...we were totally two peas in a pod...
junior year was awesome!...then summer came rollin around...he came down the shore with me all the time...he even came to vegas with me on vacation at the end of the summer...we had so much fun!...then i blew it...on the flight home i wrote him this huge note telling him how i felt...and clearly he had no interest in any sort of romantic relationship with me...this should have been something that was devastating to me...but at the time it really wasnt (i think it def had a long term effect on my confidence...but thats another story for another time)...i dont even remember if i cried or not...i think i was more worried about our awesome friendship being ruined over one stupid note than i was upset about my crush not liking me back...when we got back home we never actually talked about it...we just exchanged a few emails...even back then i was better at writing my feelings instead of speaking them...when we saw each other in person it was slightly awkward at first but not really too bad...we were right back to normal...
senior year started and everything was great...we hung out almost every day after school and on the weekends and stuff...the 4 of us always had so much fun together...there was never any drama...we even planned a trip to disney world after graduation...i was a happy camper...then around january or februaryish everyone started talking about prom...he told us he was gonna ask this girl to go with him...they knew each other but werent super close friends...so he asked her to go to prom and i said hey if you guys are gonna go to the prom together then you should hang out some...so i started to invite her to hang out with us...soon after her group of 4 friends joined our group of 4 friends and we became a group of 8...this was great for a while...until they started to phase me out of the group...to this day i still have no idea why they did this...i even confronted him about it and never really got an answer...i was so invested in my friendship with not just him but all of them that all the drama with them and feeling like they were cutting me out really made the tail end of senior year miserable...this time i definitely cried...more than once...oh and he started dating the girl he went to prom with and didnt even tell me...we were supposed to be best friends, thats the kinda thing you tell your best friend...right?!...well anyway...we graduated and went to disney together...but i was so unhappy that i didnt even want to go to disney...me not want to go to disney? are you kidding?! nope! not kidding...i did not want to go...but i did and we had a good time but it just wasnt as good as it could have been...and that summer i saw them about 3 times...that was it
you would think that the story would end there...nope...we both decided to go to the same college...and we had the same major...having the same major at a small school equals lots of classes together...and again even though things kinda blew up at the end of high school we were back to being friends...we didnt see each other ALL THE TIME like we used to but in class and between classes we still talked to each other...we still had tons of things in common...we still had fun and laughed alot...but we really didnt hang out outside of school like we used to...not helping that was the fact that i lived at home and he lived on campus...but like i said we we still friends...well at least i thought we were...
four years of college went by just like that...i realized that it was always great when it was just the two of us...juat like it always was...and even though he was still really close to everyone else in that group of 8 from high school, i very rarely saw any of them...which leads me to believe that its one of them who didnt like me but i cant be sure...so i totally gave up on having any sort of friendship with them...but i was trying to hold onto my friendship with him as long as possible...it was hard and i knew i couldnt do it much longer...especially after we finished college...
so after 7 years of friendship the day finally came when i had to let go...i was on my way to another friend's graduation party and passed by his house...only to see that he was having a huge graduation party...a party that i was not invited to...that was it...i was done...i couldnt keep trying to hold a friendship together that he clearly wanted no part of...
that was almost 4 years ago...since then i think we saw each other maybe 3 or 4 times...no 3 times...we went to dinner once...and i saw him on the train twice...and each time its like we never parted ways...thanks to facebook we know whats going on in each others lives...last fall he married the girl he went to the senior prom with...so we dont really need to waste a ton of time catching up...we just get right back into everything we used to talk about...like tv shows and what we think about this or that...just normal things that friends would talk about...
so thats the story...and thats why i dont understand why we arent friends anymore...it doesnt really make any sense to me...if someone can point out what happened that would be ne great...but i think it will just have to be one of the unanswered questions in life...
if youre still reading this sorry its soo long...but seeing him brings back so many memories...and i just had to write about it, let it all out, so it wouldnt consume my thoughts for the next few days...
well thats all for now...until next time, happy blogging!!!
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