Friday, September 2, 2016

Yet Another New Crush

It has been about a million years since I have taken my handy dandy blog out for a spin…but here I am…I don’t know if this is a one time only thing or if I’ll be writing more often…I haven’t really decided yet…but I just have some things I feel like I need to talk about right now so I’m gonna!!

And with this new entry, it’s time to play a riveting game of omg Ashley has a new crush!!!...eeeeee…it’s been a while…probably since I last wrote about a crush on here…haha…am I too old to have a crush?!…I don’t know...probably…but oh well cause it’s happening…

It was one of those things where I was like oh, that guy is cute…the more I saw him around, I noticed that he’s very smiley…and that made him even more attractive to me…then he cut his hair and I was like oh whoa, this guy’s is really cute!!...but I didn’t think too much of it because I knew he was on the young side…as time went on I was like yeah, I could totally see myself with this guy mayyyybeee he’s older than I think…when his birthday came rolling around I found out he is in fact younger than I thought…in fact just over 8 years younger than me…that was kinda a bummer!! I immediately pumped the breaks on the crush I felt like I was forming on him…I kept telling myself no!

Then about a month later I had plans to go to a baseball game…that day there was an email chain going around with what people were bringing and stuff and I noticed his name was on it…I panicked!!...haha!...I was like omg!! I didn’t know he was going, what am I gonna do, I didn’t bring anything cute enough to wear…like serious freak out mode guys!! was that moment that I realized that there was no more denying it, I have a crush on him…a stupid school girl crush!!...ughhh…how could I let this happen?!?! Haha!!!

So I went to the game…of course in true Ashley fashion I was extremely awkward!!...I ended up sitting next to him…and I felt like chandler when he was stuck in the atm vestibule with jill goodacre…in my head I was like stop being awk! You can do this…just say something, anything!!!!...there were no words coming out of my mouth...seriously what is wrong with me…eventually other people were talking so I was able to jump into the conversation…and it turned out to not be so bad…I was proud of myself for holding a conversation just me and him…I was like yesss you’re doing it!!! I even looked at him in the eyes when I was talking to him…(side note: dude has really nice eyes!)…I was kinda proud of myself!!...haha!

After the game I was like yep, I’m in trouble!!...I am totally in full on crush mode now…like heart eyes emoji all over the place!!...ugh!...haha!!!

So now here is where all of my crazy thoughts come in…haha!!...I’ve decided that I’m totally crushing on him, but would he ever consider me like that, he barely knows me…and I’ve come to terms in my mind with this ridiculous age gap but would he be okay dating a girl that much older than he is?!...and then of course there’s all my other insecurities that tell me no guy no matter the age would ever want to date me so it doesn’t matter…it’s just so hard…and I kinda feel stupid about it!...haha!...I usually go back and forth between “I don’t know why I’m wasting my time, it’s never gonna work out anyway” and “well, it’s not gonna work out anyway so I might as well have fun thinking about it”…and then on the very rare occasion I think “maybe I have a teeny tiny sliver of a change”…so I’m not really giving myself a shot at all…haha...mostly because I don’t want to get my hopes up and then shattered just like they have been so many times in the past…so it’s hard…

This time though I feel like I’m ready…this is what I want…I’ve always wanted it…but I don’t know…just based on what I know about this guy I feel like he’s a good match for me…maybe I’m completely wrong…but this time just feels different than all the other times…I can’t quite put my finger on why it feels different, it just does…I’ve asked some friends for some help and they are willing to do what they can…and that really means a lot to me!!...I am willing to try hard and give this everything I’ve got…even if it’s going outside of my comfort zone…like I said I don’t want to get my hopes too high because I’m afraid but at the same time I am hopeful and really excited for the possibility…so we shall see what happens!!...

I will try to keep you posted on any progress…Like today for instance, he passed me as he was leaving and I was on my afternoon stroll, he said have a good weekend and I barely mustered a hi…so things aren’t going so great…haha!...but I will get there…let’s do this guys!!...I can do this!!...haha!!...but yeah, I’ll try to keep you posted but I make no promises on that…haha!

Now on to what you guys really wanna know…what is his cool blog name gonna be?!?! sure the suspense has been killing you!!...haha!...drum roll please….ba da da da da da da…SINK MAN…haha!...I know it sounds ridic…but let me explain…before the baseball game…im not talking about right before I’m talking weeks before…I had some people over my house and one of the girls noticed that I had 2 sinks in my bathroom…then randomly she said to me “you need a boyfriend so you have someone to use your second sink”…we all thought it was hysterical…so the second sink became a thing…fast forward back to the baseball game when I realized I was indeed crushing I said to myself “this guy has some serious second sink potential”…haha!! I could have went with second sink as his cool blog name…but sink man is just cleaner and easier to say…don’t you think?!

Alright…so I guess that’s it for now…im just feeling all kinds of emotions right now…I have no idea how this is gonna play out…all I know for certain is any time I see sink man walking around I always end up with a smile on my face…haha!

If anyone has any advice for me, it is welcome…like more than welcome…this is me telling you I need advice…haha!! can comment below or reach out to me on whatever platform you normally talk to me on…whatsapp, twitter, text, whatever…I need your help!! Is this a good idea? Bad idea? Am I completely ridiculous? I don’t know!! Help!!

Thanks in advance!!! Love you guys!!!