here we are...its the middle of april already...can you believe it?!
ive always had a secret love hate relationship with this month...on the outside i love it...whats not to love?...the weather is getting warmer...it stays light later...and most importantly it means my birthday is coming up! yay!...i love my birthday!!! haha!...
but on the inside april is the exact time of year when i start to panic...i start to think omg my birthday is in a month!...its not really anxiety over getting older because my age doesnt really bother me (it is what it is and everyone has one...haha!)...its more anxiety over all the things i havent done yet but should have...its like a big giant reminder that another year has gone without accomplishing important life goals...and then it leads me to wonder if things are gonna be like this forever and i should just accept my fate...or if things are gonna change for me and if so, when will that be???...
i have to admit that my anxiety is slightly greater this year than it was last year...i think a lot of that has to do with the fact that last year at this time i had myself totally convinced that concert guy would be the answer to a lot of my problems...in this loosely based on reality world i created and thought i was living in, he would be my michael vartan...he would save me from lame central...so i wasnt too worried...
this year is totally different...im back to reality and realize its not lookin too good...i have no crush to pretend to be my hero...i have no crazy plan for this hero to rescue me...i have no light shining at the end of the tunnel...i have no hope that anything will change in the next month...i have nothing...except for the same heartache ive had forever...and it stinks!!! boooo!!!...the good news is i havent cried about it yet (and by yet i mean since april first...haha!)...
so now here i am, 22 days until my birthday comes on may 6 and i will officially be 26 years old...at that point i will be forced to stop referring to myself as josie grosie...and i will start saying i am coach beiste (pronounced beast) instead...and looking at the positive this name wont expire until im 40...thats great, isnt it?....haha!!! ; )
p.s.~ sorry to be on the doom and gloom side today but sometimes ya just gotta let it out ya know...
1 comment:
No needs to worry. This year will be a great year for you. You will finally learn how to swim. You will also get to play a game of quiditch. If neither of those happen you will not meet your Michael Vartan you will met your Damon. This will be a lot better for you. Maybe you will meet him while at the beach or maybe at a nice classy restaurant. But I think you just need to keep Positive Patty on your side and you will be just great. I will go watch some VPD right now i mean i do not have much long with my eye sight going.
Have a great night and enjoy your fun friday!
I will see you on Saturday.
Post a Comment