lady lurch

due to popular demand ((okay so it was only one request but its the only request i've ever gotten so how could i deny it)) the following is a parody i wrote to a blog written by the lady lurch about the annoying people who work at the kiosks at the mall ((if you would like to see the original blog by the lady lurch email me and i'll send it to you))...enjoy!!

I know I am not the only person irked by it, so I am pretty sure most of you will agree.....the stupid 23 year olds who think its an awesome idea to find themselves a 35 year old married man are THE MOST obnoxious, annoying, and pushy people I have ever seen! (and 2 years later they are even worse!!!)

I get that most people are stupid, and they are just not thinking, however, when you go to the gym, and you work out, should something or a certain someone interest you, you take a look and if there is a ring you STOP looking right? Oh, well that is just not good enough for these people. If a man is married you aren't afforded the OPTION to pursue him, yet they force themselves on him by their endless nagging. "Excuse me, do you have a wife…oh you do…its okay you can get rid of her and be with me instead” or "Excuse me, I’m a home wrecker" or "Please come back to my place and lie to your wife about it"

And now onto why these lady lurches complaints about the mall people are stupid:

A: its obvious you don’t need the sea salt lotion…you’re greasy enough as it is…do you really need to add to the problem???

B: last time I checked its not a crime to let little girls feel like a princess everyone in a while and if straightening their hair occasionally makes them feel special then what’s the problem???...i wonder if lady lurch wears her hair in its natural state the way god made it everyday…probably not…so again I ask whats the problem???...its not like the mall people or any one else is saying that the curls aren’t good enough…it’s the same concept as giving a little girl with natural straight hair some curls for the day…are you against that too???....maybe if someone treated her like a princess when she was small she wouldn’t be looking in all the wrong places today…

C: (and most importantly) they aren’t your kids!!!!...stop pretending that they are…how anyone could possibly think that someone soooo cute could be related to a lady lurch is way beyond my comprehension…I guess its best that the lady lurch practices saying “no” now because if she has children one day I cant imagine them being anywhere close to cute…maybe she will learn that when the people stop approaching her…

If any of you reading this are anything like a lady lurch I want you to grab something large and heavy, lift it high over your head, and then drop it.....because most likely after all was said and done, you are still waiting for your new man to become less of a cheating loser. You should feel really bad, it DOESN’T happen to best of us.

Please annoying lady lurch people, go find a single man like regular people do, and stop harassing people who are married and wanted to have a normal family life with no side projects in between. I would be most grateful, and if not I will be forced to carry pepper spray from this point forward.