gee thanks mom

this happened a few weeks ago but i wasnt ready to talk about it yet...but guess what...now i am...

so i was driving home from the shore with my mom and we got into the never ending debate about me being invited to the princess' wedding with out a date...the wedding is still 3 years away but this argument comes up every time anyone talks about it...i think that i should be invited with a guest...its not like im just some random person going to the wedding...its my sisters wedding and im most likely the maid of honor...while if im not in a relationship i probably wont bring anyone but i would like the option...my mom says its a waste of money to bring someone just to have a date...so this argument was the catalyst for everything else to come...

i said to my mom...you have no idea what its like to be chronically single...(the last time my mom was single was when she was 15 years old...and thats not including "casual dating" that happened before that...she didnt even have any single time in between my dad and the boyfriend she had before him)...sometimes going to a wedding by yourself feels like a slap in the face...its not fun...its borderline depressing...its just highlighting what everyone else seems to have except for you...

here is where you would expect a mother to say something encouraging...like dont worry you'll find someone who will love you for exactly who you are...or any guy would be lucky to be with someone as awesome as you...and proceed to tell me how awesome i am...

is that what my mom did?...absolutely not!...she said: well guys only like thin girls...and youre too shy...and you need to go out more but people dont invite you out because you dont drink so its your own fault...and she went on and on pointing out every single thing that im insecure about...aren't moms supposed to make you feel better about yourself when you're feeling down???...not worse???...or is that just on tv???

then the best part is when we got home i just brought my stuff upstairs with out saying anything...so she yells up to me "oh your not going to talk to me now?" like she did absolutely nothing wrong...so i said "what do you want me to say ma? thanks ma for calling me a big fat loser and pointing out how craptastic my life is!?! i really appreciate it!"...yeah def not...i still dont think she realized how much she hurt me...its def not fun when everything you question about yourself is pointed out by someone you love...maybe this is why i have low confidence with boys...my mom said that they arent gonna like me and i believe her...ugh...

dont get me wrong...i love my mom and i would do anything for her...and i know that she loves me and would do anything for me...its just that sometimes she has a funny way of showing it...

fall tv!

the best part about the fall for me is all new episodes of my favorite tv shows...and if you're a tv junkie like me you know how important and exciting it is to have new episodes...lol...i guess what makes the most since is to go day by day like my girl cait did over at finding my balance...she added fancy pictures and everything to her fall tv preview...but im not that cool...sorry...haha!

~MONDAY~

dancing with the starts~> (8pm abc) this year the cast is bigger and better than ever...my early faves are aaron carter (of course), mya, the model partners with derek, kelly osbourne (she really surprised me), and iron chef...

heroes~> (8pm nbc) i havent gotten a chance to watch the premire episode but im excited for it...i cant wait to find out what all our favorite heroes and villians are up to...

~TUESDAY~

so you think you can dance~> (8pm fox) best show ever...enough said...lol...im super excited that we dont have to wait until next summer to get my sytycd fix...but im a little sad that season 5 doesnt have as much time to be in the spotlight...they totally deserve to be remember...s5 was the best one yet...speaking of s5 im going to the tour tomorrow and friday nights...i cant wait!!!...GET EXCITED!!!...

the biggest loser~> (8pm nbc) i just started watching this show last season and i am hooked...its so inspirational...and its the only show that can cause me to tear up week after week...haha...

~WEDNESDAY~

sytycd results~> (8pm fox) its always exciting to see the group dance...and always sad to see another 2 dancers go home

glee~> (9pm fox) this show is new this season...if youre not watching it you should be...its so clever and witty and funny...and there is some awesome singing in it too...just trust me on this one...you will love it!

~THURSDAY~

survivor~ (8pm cbs) only one episode and there is already a villan...last season coach was off his rocker but this guy he is just intentionally aweful...i dont have a favorite yet but give me a few episodes and ill have my guy...but i dont see anyone being as awesome as jt from last season...=)

the vampire diaries~> (8pm cw) another awesome new show...if you like twilight you will love this show...how can you not love boone from lost as an evil vampire?...he is perfect in the part!

supernatural~> (9pm cw) the winchesters are back for another demon hunting season...but this time they are facing the devil himself and the apocolypse...oh boy!...good luck with that...haha...anyway...they boys are as hot as ever (hey there's a reason why jenson is number 1 on my list...lol...)

~FRIDAY~

smallville~> (8pm cw) oh no...not friday!...its the kiss of death...the season hasnt started yet so i dont know how its going...but i can tell you that im excited for supermans return (no, not the movie)...

psych~> (10pm usa) this show started its season in august but there are still new episodes so im gonna include it!...shawn and gus hav never been funnier!...i love how they point out how the mentalist totally copied them...the only complaint i have about this season is shawn has a girlfriend and its not jules...how could that be?...

~SUNDAY~

the amazing race~> (8pm cbs) the race hasnt started yet but im sure it will be just as exciting as it always it!

brothers & sisters~> (10pm abc) this hasnt started yet either...i cant wait to see what drama the walkers have for us this season...there's never a dull moment with them...i think i love this show so much because it kinda reminds me of my family...haha!

i think thats it...not too much...haha...thank god for tivo!!!

the list

anyone who is a fan of friends like myself will remember the episode where ross made a list of the celebrities it would be okay to cheat with...kinda like a free pass...so i decided to make my own list...even though i have no boyfriend so it really wouldn't be cheating at all...so maybe for me its more of like a dream list...haha...

while thinking who i should put on my list i started to wonder if i should waste spots on the list with married men...because lets face it ashley from jersey isnt going to be on any of their lists...lol...but at the same time its a dream list so who cares...and its not like im gonna get it laminated like ross did...haha...


this was way harder than i thought it would be cause i heart a ton of celebs!

1) JENSEN ACKELS

2. BRADLEY COOPER

3) TOM WELLING

4)KELLEN LUTZ

5) A BACKSTREET BOY (i realize that im cheating a little bit here but its okay...haha)

so who's on your list???

my kind of guy

i stole the following from facebook...its a whole bunch of questions about the type of boys you like...so if anyone knows anyone who fits my answers please give him my number...thanks...lol...

1) do you need him to be good looking?
i dont need him to be good looking...it would just be a bonus...=)

2) smart?
YES! the smarter the better!

3) preferred age?
between 23 and 30

4) preferred height?
taller than me...which isnt very difficult...lol...

5) how about a sense of humor?
umm...the title of my blog is confessions of a giggler...ergo i like to laugh...ergo a sense of humor is important...haha!!!

6) how about piercings?
no thanks

7) accepts you for who you are?
of course!

8) pink hair?
absolutely not

9) mushy or no?
a small amount of mushiness sometimes is cute but too much would probably get annoying

10) thin or fat?
any size

11) black, brown, or white (skin color)?
white

12) long hair or short hair?
short

13) plastic or metal?
what does this question mean?????

14) smells good?
yes! smells good is a def plus!

15) smoker?
no

16) drinker?
it doesnt matter...as long as its not way too excessive...

17) boy-next-door type?
yeah...i def like the "all american" type

18) muscular?
sure it would be nice but its not a requirement...

19) plays piano?
not necessary

20) plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
also not necessary (but it would be pretty cool)

21) plays violin?
nah

22) sings very good?
i dont care if he sings well or not as long as he doesnt mind singing loud while driving in the car with me...haha...

23) vain?
def not

24) with glasses?
i dont know...it depends on the person...but it really doesnt make a difference to me...

25) with braces?
i hope at this point in life the braces phase would have passed already...but if thats what he needs to have straight teeth then im all about them...cause straight teeth is important...haha...

26) shy type?
no...only because im totally the shy type...and i feel that i need to be around outgoing people to bring out my outgoing side...i think if theres 2 shy people things may get awkward...

27) rebel or good boy type?
def a good boy

28) this question was missing...

29) tight or bomb?
what??? im confused

30) singer or dancer?
i heart male dancers!

31) stunner?
am i retarded because im not sure what that means??? haha...

32) hiphop?
if he likes to listen to hiphop or can dance hiphop then thats okay...but if he thinks hes some type of gangsta thats not gonna fly...

33) earrings?
didnt i already say no to piercings???

34) mr count my ex girlfriends until you drop?
no thanks

35) dimples?
sure

36)bookworm?
it doesnt matter

37)mr love letter?
i am def a helpless romantic at heart so i would def love to receive the occasional love letter!

38) playful?
yes please

39) flirt?
yeah...probably not...

40) poem writer?
eh...either way

41) serious?
its good to be serious sometimes but not always

42) campus crush?
what does this mean???...do i want the guy that all the girls have a crush on???...if thats the question i may have to answer YES at the current moment...lol...((well at least im assuming hes the guy that all the girls want...haha...))

43) painter?
like what kind of painter???...like he can paint my house (yes)...or like he can paint a beautiful mural (nah)...

44) religious?
it doesnt matter

45)someone who likes to tease people?
sure why not...as long as its all in good fun...

46) computer games geek? or Internet freak?
i wouldnt want him to be one of those who spends ALL of his time on the computer or playing video games...but i do want him to like to play video games sometimes...

47) speaks 20 languages?
no

48) loyal or faithful?
YES!!!! im not looking for a seasnake thats for sure

49) good kisser?
sure...but how would i know the difference...haha...

50) loves children?
of course...

2ge+her!

this weekend i watched 2ge+her for the first time in years...i forgot how much i LOVE that movie...there are sooo many funny lines in it...i just can get enough...haha...is it really bad that i can quote just about the whole movie?...it brings back so many memories...like when my freshman lunch table had 2gether quote of the day (every wednesday was buttload day!)...or when i played roller coaster tycoon with my cousin and everything in our park had a 2gether related name...haha...good times, good times...for those of you who dont know about the awesomeness that is 2gether, i'll now provide a quick summary:

the movie starts out with this guy bob bus and the band he manages called whoa!...whoa! then fires bob bus...hes upset for a little bit but then discovers jerry o'keefe...bob takes jerry to meet some record lable guy and that guy says no one wants a solo artist, what the world needs now are boy bands...(this movie came out in 2000 right at the hight of the boy band craze)...so bob says perfect ive got a boy band...so the record lable guy booked them a gig in 7 days...too bad bob didnt have a boy band...so pretty much bob had only 7 days to find 4 more members and train them...and the fun ensues from there...bob already had the heartthrob (jerry)...so he had to find the shy guy(chad), the older brother figure (doug), the rebel (mickey p),and the cute one (qt)...next came the training (knuckle down time)...this is def the funniest part in the movie!...let me stop here cause i dont want to give away the whole thing...lol...

i recomend to everyone to watch (or rewatch) this movie a sap...if you dont own it on vhs (thats right vhs...haha...) like i do, you can find some clips on youtube...its definitely good for a laugh or two or in my case a buttload of them...haha!...now ill leave you with some of my fav quotes!

"a buttload? how much is a buttload?" "a thousand dollars..."
"driving 30, driving 30!"
"that is lockdown"
"oh qt you're the best looking member of 2gether"
"you aint no gangster"
"robins egg blue, thats my color!"
"i was still trying to contribute to the group by making as many lazer noises as humanly possible"
"i like the yellow one"
"these things go on water?"
"pretty much, yeah"
"i love him ALWAYS, i love him like a brother"

and there are tons more!

can i get a do-over

with the summer quickly coming to an end i look back and i wish i could rewind to the beginning and start over...sure i had tons of fun...

• i went down the shore almost every weekend...
• i started hanging out with my girl k dubbs...
• i got a nice tan...
• i went bowling...
• i watched a whole bunch of movies...
• i swam in the ocean, a real pool and a blow up pool...
• i made s'mores...
• i saw backstreet boys in concert...
• i wished on shooting stars...
• i slept outside for the first time ever...
• i did way more than my fair share of laughing...
• and whole bunch of other fun things...

but all of this is just more of the same for me...the one thing i want more than anything never seems to happen...and im not just talking about new guy...while that would have been a dream come true, any guy would have been good...the sad part is i know its 1000% my fault...i say i want a boyfriend and yet i do absolutely nothing to make it happen...how can i be that stupid to think that prince charming is just going to knock on my door...

its all an evil cycle really that i cant seem to get out of...i feel like an idiot due to my lack of experience in the boy department...this translates to zero confidence and fear of rejection...which leads to me not even trying...and then before i know it another year passes by without any change...so i feel even more like an idiot and the cycle starts all over...i gotta get out!...but how???...and dont say oh just get out there and meet new people...yeah its easy for most people to say but for me, not so much...i cant just get out there...i have social anxiety and i have it bad...

ugh...i hate being all "woe is me" but its just so frustrating to want to change my life but not be able to...even if i did get the chance to redo this summer knowing everything i know now, it would probably end up the same exact way...obviously life doesnt provide time travel so it is what it is...

but what if i could change the past and actually do things differently...i def would not have made all the mistakes i mentioned before...maybe just maybe my biggest problem right now would be that my brand new boyfriend just moved to hawaii...haha...oh how i wish...haha!!!

oh well...all i can do now is try to change moving forward from this moment...lets see if i can...fingers crossed...believing i can do it is half the battle, right?

beatstock

i want to start of by saying HAPPY TUTU BIRTHDAY to the princess!!!...i love you and i hope youre having an AWESOME day!!!

i know beatstock was a few weekends ago but i just realized i never talked about it here so here goes...

i went with little sis, little one, and k dubbs...on the way there we sung old and new bsb songs really loud and obnoxiously...haha...k dubbs filmed us doing so...so if youre lucky enough to be my facebook friend you may want to avoid those if they make it on there...haha!...when we got there it was about 90 bazillion degrees...ugh...way too hot...and then we went in but the gates to the theater werent open yet so we were squashed with about a million other people in the waiting are lets call it (cause im not really sure what its called)...

so when we where waiting there in the crowd some tall guy was pushing through then stopped right by me, stared at me for what felt like forever, and then goes "hey how are you" like he knew me or something...of course i was friendly back but i had absolutely no idea who this guy was...but then after he walked away i realized that he takes the train in the morning with me...it was just really bazaar cause he's never said anything to me before that nor has he said anything since then...but at the concert it was like we were old pals...maybe we should be pals...or maybe more than that...he is pretty cute...who knows maybe concert guy will even replace new guy for the time being (probably not but maybe)...hehe...

back to the concert...lol...the gates finally opened and we were herded in like cattle...we got a decent spot on the lawn...all of the acts were pretty good...the concert was for ktu so its all dance music which is always fun!...i was pleasantly surprised when crystal waters came on...i totally didnt realize she sings party in the ghetto AND 100% pure love!!!...i dont think the high school kids in front of my knew either of those songs but i do and i was super excited that she was singing them!!!...haha...

onto the reason i went to beatstock in the first place...backstreet boys!!!...they were AMAZING per usual...but im not gonna lie...i was a little disappointed that they only sang 3 songs and wasted one on i want it that way...its a shame that iwitw is their most popular song because they have WAY better stuff than that!!!...yeah so after they were done we left...and thats it really

oh and for anyone who was wondering...new guy was not at the compound when we got back...oh well...like i said last blog...i gotta move on...lol...

time to move on

before i get started i have a few administrative things to take care of...
1) d val has requested a name change...so from now on she will be refered to as f.u.n. (not to be pronounced as the word fun but as the 3 letters)...
2) i've been mia for the past week cause i've been getting on the later train where i run into wet hair girl,one of my morning train friends, so we chat...i finally found out her real name yesterday and i found out that i had my very own cool name, coach bag!...haha...
3) right now im squished on the train and i cant decide if ill be happier in the car with no ac...ugh...im so annoyed...

now onto the real entry...its time to move on

i think i should stop obsessing over new guy...he's gone and wont be back until next summer...i cant just sit around waiting for something with zero chance...and plus i blew it big time anyway...he probably thinks im a weirdo...lol...lets take a look at my mistakes shall we...

first~> i put bff on the job...i def should have put f.u.n. on the job from the begining...she has a high success rate...she had a chat with brian, he then started dating steph, they're still together 8 years later...last summer she had a chat with bff, he became little sis' boyfriend, and they are still super cute together...and while i cant see into the future it looks like shes working on rr for my girl k dubbs...i wouldnt be surprised if they get together by the end of the summer...

next~> i probably should have been a little more specific when i said to k dubbs "i dont care what you say"...cause i do care...it would have saved me a little bit of embarassment

last~> my brain completely stopped functioning when he was around...its like i forgot how to form sentences...so while im pretty smart in real life when he was around i was like an idiot...haha...

those were some pretty major mistakes wouldnt you agree?

so it may take a little bit of time but im gonna get over him...its def something i need to do if i want to lose the stupid josie grosie status before i turn 25...if i wait around hoping it will be him i wont make the cutoff...my birthday is in may...he wont be back until june...it just doesnt add up...haha...although k dubbs told me she had a dream that we were all in disney for my birthday bash and new guy showed up to surprise me...haha...oh how i wish it was true...well disney is the place where dreams come true...right?!?...haha...

oops sorry for the tangent...im really gonna move on...i promise...well maybe ill keep new guy in the back of my mind...just in case...lol...

the one year plan

well here it is folks...the official one year plan...or oyp for short...

before i get into the details let me explain where the oyp originates from...as i said in an old post or two new guy is moving to hawaii for the school year...so that means i have 1 year to prepare for when he comes back next summer...(i know technically this is a one school year plan but thats just too much of a mouth full...so thats why im sticking with the nice and easy oyp)...

there are also a few disclaimers...1)while new guy is my inspiration, i am still doing these things for myself...2) this is not set in stone...plans can change...=)

so onto the oyp...

1) USE MY GYM MEMBERSHIP...i know i say this one all the time...but maybe if i keep saying it i will start to listen to myself...i really think this is a key component to the plan...maybe if i was just a little tea cup instead of the whole pot, i would have more confidence in myself when it comes to boys...the problem is that i think that guys wont even give me a chance...and this may not be true but its what i believe to be true...so to avoid the rejection i think will be there for me i dont even try...im sure its all about the confidence and right now i have none...(wow sorry about all the whining...i wanted to make this a fun silly entry but i had a rough day today and i guess its being reflected in how im feeling about myself right now...ugh...lets try to turn this ship around shall we...)

2) LEARN HOW TO DRIVE A STICK SHIFT...this is something i have always wanted to do...if i want to go on the amazing race it is a very important skill to have...the reason this lands a spot in the plan is i was actually talking to new guy last weekend and he said he like girls that can do guy things like crab or fish or drive a stick shift...i already know how to crab (put bait in cage...throw in water...walk away...come back in a few hours...pull cage out of water and youre done...lol...)...i really have zero desire to learn how to fish...so driving is whats left...and i can totally learn how...if my mom can do it then anyone can...haha...

3) WORK ON MY SOCIAL AWKWARDNESS...yeah so the goal here is to feel less like an upside down cow (level 5) in social situations...if i can bring my awkward level down to turtle or flag pole (level 1 or 2) then i'll be happy...this need to be on the list because it took me 3 encounters with new guy before i said something more than just hi...and even then i still didnt say much...leaving my box that i live in is easier said than done...

4) this last one is completely out of my hands...HOPE NEW GUY DOESNT GET BACK TOGETHER WITH THE EX-GIRLFRIEND...i did get confirmation on the break up but shes still moving with him...so you never know what could happen...i see one of two things happening...he'll realize how much he loves her and they will eventually get married...or he'll realize that he really cant stand her and never talk to her again...obviously im hoping for the second one to happen...haha...aww poor girl...oh well...haha...(i just want to be clear that if he does end up completely in love with this girl that would be the end of the line for me...i do not pursue unavailable guys)...

i think thats about it...its a pretty lame plan but its my lame plan and i like it!... the ultimate goal is for him to be my date to my friend's wedding next summer (that is if im invited with a guest...i may not be you never know...after all my own sister isnt planning on inviting me with a guest to her wedding why should i expect a friend to???)...and of course for new guy to become my bofo instead of just my fobo...haha!!!...

well until next time kids...happy blogging!!!

what should i do???

saturday night i am schedualed to go to ktu's beatstock at pnc..i'm going for one reason and one reason only...to see the backstreet boys of course!...they are going to be singing their newest single "straight through my heart"...and it will be the first chance to hear even more new music from them!...i couldnt be more excited to see them...they are my boys after all...hehe!

so here is where the delema comes in...there is going to be a movie at the bay saturday night...since 2 thirds of event staff will be attending the concert as well as event staff back up and event staff wannabe (that last one's me...haha...) there isnt anyone to work the movie...so d val decided that she should ask new guy to do it...do you know what that means???...it means that hes gonna be hanging out at the compound (my aunts' house dts) and im not gonna be there...ahhh...i need to be there...i def need to redeem myself after last weekend when i was finally introduced to new guy and all that i managed to get out of my mouth was "hi"...what is wrong with me???...wait dont answer that...haha...oh and to top it off its new guys LAST weekend in jersey before going to hawaii for the year...so it is my very LAST chance to plant the seed for next summer...(for those of you who are wondering about the gf...bff claims they broke up...do i beleive him? not really but i can pretend like i do for the next week...haha...and i have k dubbs on the job of getting confirmation)

so what do i do?...do i blow off the concert and stick around for movie night?...or should i still go to the concert and hope movie night isnt over when we get back?...if i blow off the concert then the others wont go either and then there would be no need for new guy to be there...ugh...so i guess i'll go to the concert and jet out of there as soon as my boys are done...fingers crossed they're at the begining...

am i acting like a crazy person over this whole new guy thing???...i hope not but my guess is yes...haha...i dont know what to do...give me some feedback please because i need help...