can i get a do-over

with the summer quickly coming to an end i look back and i wish i could rewind to the beginning and start over...sure i had tons of fun...

• i went down the shore almost every weekend...
• i started hanging out with my girl k dubbs...
• i got a nice tan...
• i went bowling...
• i watched a whole bunch of movies...
• i swam in the ocean, a real pool and a blow up pool...
• i made s'mores...
• i saw backstreet boys in concert...
• i wished on shooting stars...
• i slept outside for the first time ever...
• i did way more than my fair share of laughing...
• and whole bunch of other fun things...

but all of this is just more of the same for me...the one thing i want more than anything never seems to happen...and im not just talking about new guy...while that would have been a dream come true, any guy would have been good...the sad part is i know its 1000% my fault...i say i want a boyfriend and yet i do absolutely nothing to make it happen...how can i be that stupid to think that prince charming is just going to knock on my door...

its all an evil cycle really that i cant seem to get out of...i feel like an idiot due to my lack of experience in the boy department...this translates to zero confidence and fear of rejection...which leads to me not even trying...and then before i know it another year passes by without any change...so i feel even more like an idiot and the cycle starts all over...i gotta get out!...but how???...and dont say oh just get out there and meet new people...yeah its easy for most people to say but for me, not so much...i cant just get out there...i have social anxiety and i have it bad...

ugh...i hate being all "woe is me" but its just so frustrating to want to change my life but not be able to...even if i did get the chance to redo this summer knowing everything i know now, it would probably end up the same exact way...obviously life doesnt provide time travel so it is what it is...

but what if i could change the past and actually do things differently...i def would not have made all the mistakes i mentioned before...maybe just maybe my biggest problem right now would be that my brand new boyfriend just moved to hawaii...haha...oh how i wish...haha!!!

oh well...all i can do now is try to change moving forward from this moment...lets see if i can...fingers crossed...believing i can do it is half the battle, right?