with valentines day quickly approaching love is in the air all over the place...unfortunately no love for me...but lets not dwell on the patheticness that is my life...instead lets take a look back and reflect in a positive way...lol...okay so there really is no positive way to put my current sitch but im gonna share my history anyway...warning: nothing has ever gone past the "crush" stage (hence the patheticness) so if you're looking for juicy info then you are reading the wrong blog...haha...
it all started in second grade...my very first crush was on a boy in my class named tom..i thought was the cutest kid in the world...i'm pretty sure lots of girls liked him...both of our moms were class moms so my mom had to pick up something from has house one time...of course i had to go with her...it was very exciting...haha...((this could have happened in 5th grade i cant remember exactly))...so 2nd grade ended and i moved on 3rd grade...tom wasnt in my class this year but he was in the girl down the streets class...she had the nerve to tell our little neighborhood group that she liked him and no one else was allowed to...that set me on fire...i was like wait a second i liked him first thats not fair...so we got in a fight about it...(i didnt really like her anyway...haha...)...of course it was completely silly cause what are 8 year olds gonna do...i mean really...anyway moving on...i hate to admit it but this second grade crush didnt go away for quite sometime...not until after 8th grade...haha...some years i liked him more than other years it really depended on how much i saw him...but thats pretty much the end of that story...like i said nothing past a crush...i don't think anyone knew that i had a crush on him for sooo long until now...
my next crush was on billy...this one was in 9th grade...while i didnt have much a reason for crushing on tom for a billion years i just did, this was different...i had a reason...i was friendly with billy but nothing to write home about...we chatted in algebra class cause he sat in front of me and we were on the same bus but that was pretty much it...then one day stupid simon was saying some pretty mean things to me on the bus...i just ignored him...but billy stood up for me and yelled at simon...he didnt have to do that but he did...and that means a lot to me...and it still does because that doesnt happen too often...i dont think anyone else has gone out of their way to defend me like that before or after that...wow i'm getting a little teary eyed thinking about it...didnt think that would happen...lol...so thats why i had a crush on billy freshman year...
sophomore year...thats when i met ralph in mr himbers english class...we ended up as partners for a project..after spending time with him working on the project outside of school is when i decided that i liked him...of course i thought it was just a phase no big deal...then the next year we became bffs...well that complicated things...i liked him even more because i knew him better and realized how much we had in common...but at the same time i just made an awesome friend and i didnt want to mess things up and mess it up...well towards the end of junior year and into that summer i started to convince myself that maybe just maybe he liked me too...((umm hello stupid 17 year old ashley...if he liked you he would have asked you to the prom...duh...haha))...i was driving myself crazy trying to figure it out so i worked up every drop of courage i had in me and told him...okay so the words didnt actually come out of the mouth but i did write a long note to him about it...and the response i got back was sorry just friends...we were still friends after that but i dont think we were ever as close as before...i dont regret telling him cause i think it would have been WAY harder to get over him if i didnt know...ya know...so that was that and i didnt really like anyone senior year so my hopes of first kiss before graduating high school went out the window...oh well...
for a while i decided that i wouldnt allow myself to crush on any more boys because it would only end in disappointment for me..so i didnt...until spring semester junior year at rider...thats when i met mike...i fought the crush off until senior year...but i never really got my hopes up for that one...i knew we were gonna graduate soon and never see each other again...so whatever...i spent 4 years of college not really pursuing anyone...and clearly no one purused me...so goal of before graduating college: not accomplished...((see like i said pathetic))...
so my most recent crush...and probably the dumbest...i really dont know what i was thinking with this one...probably out of desperation...i was turning 23 and i was panicking...and that was pretty much it...nothing more to say for that...haha...
well here i am...still boyless..or maybe i should say manless...haha...i am 23 after all...so sure my non existent love life is pathetic as i have said over and over again...but whatever it will be okay...call me josie grossie if you must but it doesnt really matter...life goes on and one day all the love i've put into the world will be returned to me...and when that day comes i will be ready...=)
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