please dont ask me

today at work we were chit chattin per usual and the the following exchange happened:

the group mom: i tell my daughter if someone takes a sip of her drink to just give it to them...shes gonna get mono if she shares

cool girl: i bet you tell her not to kiss the boys too

group mom: thats right! shes only 12 shes not gonna be kissin any boys anytime soon!

cool girl: i think she will...how old were you when you had your first kiss?

group mom: oh i was old...after high school...

cool girl: what?!? i dont believe you!

group mom: its true...i was a tom boy...lets ask sports guy how old he was

cool girl: hes gonna say he was 9 haha!

this continued on for a while...and the whole time i was thinking oh god please dont let them ask me...thankfully they didnt...and that should have been the end of it...i should have just been happy i dodged that bullet...but was i ? of course not!...

i kept thinking about what would have happened if they did ask...what was i gonna say???...i could have lied and made up some random age but im not good with lying so that out...i would have had to say something clever like "i dont know yet" or "hold on, let me check my crystal ball"...and if they caught on then good for them but if not oh well...cause no way would i have been able to come right out and say "ive never been kissed"...that is an extremely hard sentence to say for me...i dont think i have ever sad it out loud...i always kinda allude to it by saying things like "i'm josie grossie"...its even hard to write on here where im pretty sure everyone who actually reads this already knows that pathetic little fact about me...i dont know why its so tough...maybe its because its something i want sooo bad but cant seem to get...oh well...*sigh*...

well anyway im gonna keep my spirits high...it will happen one day...its gotta...so there is no use being depressed about it...and ill keep my options open...=)

p.s. new guy will be back in jersey during his winter break...bff has plans to hang out with him...i told bff if im not invited out with them that night then no more free dinners!...so lets all keep our fingers crossed!...haha!!!