this happened a few weeks ago but i wasnt ready to talk about it yet...but guess what...now i am...
so i was driving home from the shore with my mom and we got into the never ending debate about me being invited to the princess' wedding with out a date...the wedding is still 3 years away but this argument comes up every time anyone talks about it...i think that i should be invited with a guest...its not like im just some random person going to the wedding...its my sisters wedding and im most likely the maid of honor...while if im not in a relationship i probably wont bring anyone but i would like the option...my mom says its a waste of money to bring someone just to have a date...so this argument was the catalyst for everything else to come...
i said to my mom...you have no idea what its like to be chronically single...(the last time my mom was single was when she was 15 years old...and thats not including "casual dating" that happened before that...she didnt even have any single time in between my dad and the boyfriend she had before him)...sometimes going to a wedding by yourself feels like a slap in the face...its not fun...its borderline depressing...its just highlighting what everyone else seems to have except for you...
here is where you would expect a mother to say something encouraging...like dont worry you'll find someone who will love you for exactly who you are...or any guy would be lucky to be with someone as awesome as you...and proceed to tell me how awesome i am...
is that what my mom did?...absolutely not!...she said: well guys only like thin girls...and youre too shy...and you need to go out more but people dont invite you out because you dont drink so its your own fault...and she went on and on pointing out every single thing that im insecure about...aren't moms supposed to make you feel better about yourself when you're feeling down???...not worse???...or is that just on tv???
then the best part is when we got home i just brought my stuff upstairs with out saying anything...so she yells up to me "oh your not going to talk to me now?" like she did absolutely nothing wrong...so i said "what do you want me to say ma? thanks ma for calling me a big fat loser and pointing out how craptastic my life is!?! i really appreciate it!"...yeah def not...i still dont think she realized how much she hurt me...its def not fun when everything you question about yourself is pointed out by someone you love...maybe this is why i have low confidence with boys...my mom said that they arent gonna like me and i believe her...ugh...
dont get me wrong...i love my mom and i would do anything for her...and i know that she loves me and would do anything for me...its just that sometimes she has a funny way of showing it...
