Yet Another New Crush

Hello!!
It has been about a million years since I have taken my handy dandy blog out for a spin…but here I am…I don’t know if this is a one time only thing or if I’ll be writing more often…I haven’t really decided yet…but I just have some things I feel like I need to talk about right now so I’m gonna!!

And with this new entry, it’s time to play a riveting game of omg Ashley has a new crush!!!...eeeeee…it’s been a while…probably since I last wrote about a crush on here…haha…am I too old to have a crush?!…I don’t know...probably…but oh well cause it’s happening…

It was one of those things where I was like oh, that guy is cute…the more I saw him around, I noticed that he’s very smiley…and that made him even more attractive to me…then he cut his hair and I was like oh whoa, this guy’s is really cute!!...but I didn’t think too much of it because I knew he was on the young side…as time went on I was like yeah, I could totally see myself with this guy mayyyybeee he’s older than I think…when his birthday came rolling around I found out he is in fact younger than I thought…in fact just over 8 years younger than me…that was kinda a bummer!!...so I immediately pumped the breaks on the crush I felt like I was forming on him…I kept telling myself no!

Then about a month later I had plans to go to a baseball game…that day there was an email chain going around with what people were bringing and stuff and I noticed his name was on it…I panicked!!...haha!...I was like omg!! I didn’t know he was going, what am I gonna do, I didn’t bring anything cute enough to wear…like serious freak out mode guys!!...it was that moment that I realized that there was no more denying it, I have a crush on him…a stupid school girl crush!!...ughhh…how could I let this happen?!?! Haha!!!

So I went to the game…of course in true Ashley fashion I was extremely awkward!!...I ended up sitting next to him…and I felt like chandler when he was stuck in the atm vestibule with jill goodacre…in my head I was like stop being awk! You can do this…just say something, anything!!!!...there were no words coming out of my mouth...seriously what is wrong with me…eventually other people were talking so I was able to jump into the conversation…and it turned out to not be so bad…I was proud of myself for holding a conversation just me and him…I was like yesss you’re doing it!!!...like I even looked at him in the eyes when I was talking to him…(side note: dude has really nice eyes!)…I was kinda proud of myself!!...haha!

After the game I was like yep, I’m in trouble!!...I am totally in full on crush mode now…like heart eyes emoji all over the place!!...ugh!...haha!!!

So now here is where all of my crazy thoughts come in…haha!!...I’ve decided that I’m totally crushing on him, but would he ever consider me like that, he barely knows me…and I’ve come to terms in my mind with this ridiculous age gap but would he be okay dating a girl that much older than he is?!...and then of course there’s all my other insecurities that tell me no guy no matter the age would ever want to date me so it doesn’t matter…it’s just so hard…and I kinda feel stupid about it!...haha!...I usually go back and forth between “I don’t know why I’m wasting my time, it’s never gonna work out anyway” and “well, it’s not gonna work out anyway so I might as well have fun thinking about it”…and then on the very rare occasion I think “maybe I have a teeny tiny sliver of a change”…so I’m not really giving myself a shot at all…haha...mostly because I don’t want to get my hopes up and then shattered just like they have been so many times in the past…so it’s hard…

This time though I feel like I’m ready…this is what I want…I’ve always wanted it…but I don’t know…just based on what I know about this guy I feel like he’s a good match for me…maybe I’m completely wrong…but this time just feels different than all the other times…I can’t quite put my finger on why it feels different, it just does…I’ve asked some friends for some help and they are willing to do what they can…and that really means a lot to me!!...I am willing to try hard and give this everything I’ve got…even if it’s going outside of my comfort zone…like I said I don’t want to get my hopes too high because I’m afraid but at the same time I am hopeful and really excited for the possibility…so we shall see what happens!!...

I will try to keep you posted on any progress…Like today for instance, he passed me as he was leaving and I was on my afternoon stroll, he said have a good weekend and I barely mustered a hi…so things aren’t going so great…haha!...but I will get there…let’s do this guys!!...I can do this!!...haha!!...but yeah, I’ll try to keep you posted but I make no promises on that…haha!

Now on to what you guys really wanna know…what is his cool blog name gonna be?!?!...im sure the suspense has been killing you!!...haha!...drum roll please….ba da da da da da da…SINK MAN…haha!...I know it sounds ridic…but let me explain…before the baseball game…im not talking about right before I’m talking weeks before…I had some people over my house and one of the girls noticed that I had 2 sinks in my bathroom…then randomly she said to me “you need a boyfriend so you have someone to use your second sink”…we all thought it was hysterical…so the second sink became a thing…fast forward back to the baseball game when I realized I was indeed crushing I said to myself “this guy has some serious second sink potential”…haha!!...so I could have went with second sink as his cool blog name…but sink man is just cleaner and easier to say…don’t you think?!

Alright…so I guess that’s it for now…im just feeling all kinds of emotions right now…I have no idea how this is gonna play out…all I know for certain is any time I see sink man walking around I always end up with a smile on my face…haha!

If anyone has any advice for me, it is welcome…like more than welcome…this is me telling you I need advice…haha!!...you can comment below or reach out to me on whatever platform you normally talk to me on…whatsapp, twitter, text, whatever…I need your help!! Is this a good idea? Bad idea? Am I completely ridiculous? I don’t know!! Help!!

Thanks in advance!!! Love you guys!!!

so long 20s

I know I've been gone for a while, making vlogs and such...but I've had some thoughts brewing in my head and I kinda want to get them out...

im writing this with about 2 hours left in my 20s...while part of me is seriously freaking out, there's another part that's at peace...I really am okay with it...a few weeks ago I dramatically mentioned that I was turning 30 and the response I got was don't worry about it, you should be proud...I don't know exactly what he was referring to because he doesn't know me all that well but none the less it got me thinking...and ya know what? I am proud of my self!!

When I look back at my 20s sure there are things that I wish would have happened and didnt...but there are things that I have experienced in the last 10 years that I couldn't have imagined in my wildest dreams...I've lost some friendships...but I've gain new ones...better ones...I would be lying if I said I didnt have my ups and downs but overall I feel like I have learned so much and grown as a person...I checked off many life milestones like graduating college with honors, getting a big girl job, meeting the backstreet boys, buying a car, moving out...((yes meeting bsb IS an important life milestone))...and most importantly I've learned how to be truly happy and not to care what other people think about me...ive learned to just be me...and its fantastic!!...it was a good decade for me...im gonna miss it...

If you asked me on the eve of my 20th birthday where I would be in 10 years I wouldn't have guessed any of this...so im not even going to bother predicting what the next 10 years has in store for me...I'm just gonna sit back, relax and enjoy the ride...I'm excited to find out what the future holds for me!!!

Well...thats all I have right now...thanks for listening...here's to 30!!!

28

Hello there blogging world...its been quite some time since I wrote an actual blog...I've been busy making vlogs!!...If you haven't seen them, I don't know what you're waiting for...they are pretty funny...or at least I think they are...there's a bunch on my YouTube page!!...just do a search for ashalia11...you'll find me...make sure you subscribe to my page while you're at it...

Anyway...I'm not hear to talk about all my cool vlogs...I have an actual blog post that I want to write....This one is gonna be all about my experience being 28...I have a little over a month left at this awesome age and I thought I would take a minute or two to look back and reflect...

Not too long after my birthday back in May I decided that it was time to finally go on a date...I've never been on one and I felt like I was getting kinda old for that...I was ready and determined...I mean I even started using the hashtag #FirstDateAt28...you know it's serious when it has its own hashtag!...haha!!!...

to help me accomplish my goal I signed up for some free Internet dating websites and asked some friends for advice...but besides that I really didn't put any effort in...for Internet dating to work you have to actually reply to the guys who message you...and I didn't really do that...oops!!...so here I am...only a month left and still no first date...ugh!!...but I'm not here to complain!...I'm here to say that I'm okay with it...and I promise I'm not just saying I'm okay with it...I really am...

I like to look at it thins way...I could have focused all of my energy into getting a date...but I didnt...Instead I did so many other really awesome things...tons of people have been on lots of dates...but some the experiences I've had this past year are things that most people don't get to do...and I'm not saying that i wouldn't have been able to do these things if i did go on a date...I'm also not bragging about anything I've done...I'm just saying that sure one area of my life may be lacking but all the rest are full...I consider myself blessed

I have an amazing family who I love with all of my heart and we got through the hardest time of my life together...I don't know what I would have done without each and every one of them

I was able to travel all over the US (and to Guatemala) to go to concerts...and by doing this I've created unbreakable bonds with girls I didn't know a year ago and they are now some of my best friends...Also since we went to so many I managed to be a worldwide girl...AND kendall knows who I am...The first time he told me that he remembered me I think I died a little on the inside...haha!!

I made the decision to leave a job I was unhappy at and take a position at one I loved...okay...maybe loved is too strong of a word...but i definitly liked it a lot better...ive been back for a week and im already much happier...anyway with this came the decision to move out of my parents house and to a different state...The big move isn't happening until the summer but I still decided to do it...it's too late to back out now...

So really this year I've decided that I just have to live my life the way that I want to...do things that make me happy and not worry about anything else...If I'm supposed to go on a date then it will happen...If not then that's okay too...I can't beat myself up over it...I'm much happier when I'm not constantly feeling sorry for myself cause I've never been on a date or never been kissed or anything like that...it's gonna happen one day...i know it will...for now I'll just be over here living my life and smiling over the things i do have and not sad over the things i dont...I feel like this is something I used to say but now at 28 I truly believe it...

#FirstDateAt28 was a bust...oh well...I don't think I would trade any of the good things that happened to me this year for a date...it's not worth it!! =)

Top 13 of '13: #1 WORLDWIDE GIRL!!!!!!!!!

Thanks to everyone who took pictures...im not sure which pictures are from who...but thank you to all of you!!...also if you want to read my initial reaction you can check it out here!!! 

Top 13 of '13: #2 Heffron Drive Winter Tour!!!!

sorry this video is so long!!...i just had a lot to say because this tour was soooo freaking awesome!!