This is why...

...i dont drink!!

Like i said in the previous post...after my last day of work i went out for drinks with my old coworkers (aww...thats sad that i have to say old now)...they kept buying me drinks...and the drinks were pretty strong...so i got pretty buzzed...some would say i was wasted but i wouldnt say it was that bad...haha!!!

While i was on my way home i posted something on facebook about being emotional and im gonna miss everyone at my old company and that kind of stuff...i was expecting to get some likes from work people...what i was not expecting was a like from CONCERT GUY...i havent seen him in 2 years and this guy is liking stuff on my facebook...whats going on?!...

So in my altered state i decided that it would be a good idea to send him a facebook message...i said something along the lines of hey, i used to have a crush on you...i rambled on for a while after that...not sure what i said...i cant bring myself to look at it...that was NOT a good idea...seriously, what is wrong with me?!...who does that?!...so embarrassing...but i thought eh, it will be okay...i wont see him ever again...nbd...

Then yesterday morning i got off the path and was walking to my new office and here he was walking towards me waving...oh my god...where was a shovel?...I needed to dig my grave...i was dying...sooo embarrassed!!!!...i couldnt believe it...i havent seen this guy in 2 years and the week after i decided it would be a good idea to tell him was crushin hard there he was right in front of me...are you kidding?!...when i saw him my heart def started racing and im sure my face was bright red...haha!...all i managed to get out was an excited heeeyy!!!!...and then i kept walking...i realized after that i probably should have stopped but i just couldnt...i had to get out of there before a complete panic attack set in!...haha!

i ended up sending him a text when i got to work...i didnt want to seem rude...or like i was running away...haha!...sure i totally was running away but he doesnt have to know that!...i think i sounded breezy...i dont know...what do you think?!...haha!!

So yeah...see...this is what happens and people wonder why i keep my alcohol intake to a minimum...the oversharing that happens is out of controll...i mean that night i also tweeted that i had to go peepees on the potty...what?!...again i ask who does that?!...haha!!...so i think its safe to say that i have reached my quota for the year...i cant let these things happen again...haha!

holding on

hey kiddies!

before we get into the goods i just want to say that one of my new years resolutions is to write in my handy dandy blog more...umm so far i am failing miserably...haha...this is only post number 2 for the year and its already february...i better step up my game...dont worry i have lots of things brewing in my head...so they will come out sooner rather than later...but i make no promises!...haha!...well lets get on with it shall we...

i have realized that i hold on to way too much stuff...and while i am a borderline hoarder, im not talking about physical things...im talking about ideas and emotions and all that good stuff...so for the sake of this entry lets focus on what i focus on best...boys of course!...haha!...

its no secret that i want more than anything to find a boyfriend but i have an extremely difficult time doing so...i think part of the problem is that i have a hard time letting go...i start crushing on a guy and thats it...its gotta be him or no one...and its not like i like a guy for a short amount of time...for instance i crushed on the same boy from 2nd grade until 8th grade...thats 7 years people...see not short...well i guess the crush on new guy didnt last too long but the guy moved to hawaii and i went on for months still crushin...thats a problem...

even now with concert guy...my brain is 100% confident that there is absolutely no way he sees me as anything more than a friend...and yet i cant let go...i over analyze everything hes ever said to me trying to search for a hidden meaning that isnt there...i just cant give up on the glimmer of hope...ya know...for a while i was even contemplating telling him how i felt...but for what?...for him to tell me something that i already know?...or to completely destroy the little bit of friendship i have left with him?...or to be rejected yet again?...i dont think i could handle it...its really not worth it...but i was stuck...trying to move forward but making very little progress because i wasnt willing to give up...

then out of the blue i received a text from him...and my very little progress flew right out the window...haha!...the butterflies came rushing back...i was so excited...my imagination ran wild with all the things it could possibly say...all it said was that he was gonna take the train in the morning...so of course i got myself all hyped up to see him again...and of course i played out a million different scenarios in my head of what could happen...and each one was more fabulous than the last...unfortunately reality never lives up to the fantasy...when i actually saw him it was slightly awkward...i wasnt really sure what to say...suddenly everything i thought about saying seemed so stupid...but what actually came out of my mouth was even worse...ugh...haha!...so now after that i know i have to let go of him and look for someone completely new...im still holding on a little...but now its by a pinkie finger instead of a full on 2 hand death grip...haha!!!

if i really want to find a man then there is one more thing i need to let go of...i need to let go of the idea i have in my head that "how could anyone possibly love me"...i know its terrible to think but i do...and its not something i like to admit that i think but i do...its always there lingering in the back of my mind...i really really need to let go of that thought...and once i do that i will truly be able to move one...but until that day im stuck...but i wont give up!!!

sorry to be on the woe is me side tonight but sometimes i just need to get these things off my chest ya know...it helps me feel better...and itsnt that part of the reason for blogging?!...well im off...maybe ill watch some boy meets world tonight...that always makes me happy!!! =)

top 10 of the year 10

i know i know...i owe you days 2, 3, and 4 of my cruise recap...i promise you will have them soon...the problem is i like to blog on the train...those entries are too long to finish on the train...so i hit save so i can come back later...but they only save to the blogger website and not to my phone...so to finish them i have to sit at my computer...but after sitting in front of a computer all day its not always the first thing i want to do when i get home...ya know...sorry for the long rambling...i just dont want any one to be upset...haha!...

so the purpose of this blog is to put a nice little bow on the end of the year that was 2010...and instead of recapping the whole year i decided to make a top 10 list!!!...enjoy!!!

10) lifehouse / kris allen concert
i had a ball with k dubbs at this concert....kris allen was WAY more entertaining than i thought he would be...at one point he asked everyone to sing along, then said but you dont have to if you dont want to i mean you paid money to see me sing not to sing yourself...haha...so cute!...and he came out in the audience for one of the songs...he was really great...as for lifehouse they were awesome too...i really love their music!!!...this was probably the best non bsb concert i have ever been to!...

9) becoming a TCU fan!!!
this makes the list because of its randomness and awesomeness...i was in atlantic city for a bsb concert in june which happened to be the same day as the usa vs england world cup match...since little one is a huge soccer fan she couldnt miss it (ps she was rooting for england...talk about anti american...haha)...anyway...we went to a sports bar to watch it...we were there way before the game started so they randomly had college baseball on the tvs...we had no idea who was playing...orange vs purple...of course i picked the purple team to root for...and it didnt hurt that they were loosing by about 10 runs so they had that whole underdog thing going for them...haha...as we watched we learned more and more about the teams playing...thats when k dubbs and i decided we would be horned frog fans for life!!!...good thing we did...they made it to the last round before the championships of the college world series...and now the football team is going to be in the rose bowl!...and to top it off they are going to be part of the big east...which means we'll be able to go to some games!...haha!...see i told you...random! =)

8) fantasy football champion!
yeah thats right! i won!!!! im so proud of myself!!! my rookie season and i pull off the big upset in the super bowl!!! yay!!! aaron rodgers and arian foster are my heroes!!!

7)Hemingway's
one night towards the end of the summer i went out with my cousins and their friends to Hemingway's in seaside...the night doesnt make the list because of Hemingway's but because of everything else that occurred that night...everything from all the boy meets world quotes...to finding the undapants video on YouTube...to the "lottery tickets"...to the cheese balls...to "maybe if you didnt walk like this"...to trying to go to sleep but being unsuccessful due to laughing too hard...it was just a really fun night!!!...and if you were there youre probably laughing right now just thinking about it!...

6) friday night ice cream
i went dts most weekends this summer...the best part about it was friday night ice cream...as soon as i got down there after work i threw sweats on grabbed my girls and strolled to summer sweets!...my ice cream of choice was cake batter in a waffle cone with rainbow sprinkles...omg im salivating just thinking about it...soo good....but it wasnt just about the ice cream...it was about taking a stroll with k dubbs and little one...it was the perfect way to unwind after working all week...

5) officially meeting concert guy
i know that my friendship with him never went further than just friends but im okay with that...and im so glad that arti made us go over to him and introduce ourselves...ive had a lot of good times with him...all of which are well document on this blog (feel free to read the archives...just click on concert guy to the right and they should all come up)...haha...i also think that it was a big step for me in the grand scheme of life...

4) this is us tour!!!!
backstreet boys!!!!! aaaaahhhhh!!!!! do i really need to say anything else?!?...i went to this show 4 times this summer and loved it more and more every time!!! you can check out my review here if you havent done so already!

3) 25th birthday bash: local edition
omg sooo much fun!...this was the first time i ever threw an awesome party!!!!...i know, im a little late but what are you gonna due about it?...anyway i told everyone to come but i didnt thing anyone would show up...before i knew it there was tons of people there!...and everyone was having a blast...but more importantly i had a blast!!!!

2)25th birthday bash: disney edition!
its the happiest place on earth!!!! so of course i picked disney as the place i wanted to celebrate my 25th birthday!...i am such a little kid and i love love love disney world...it was so awesome!!! yay!!! i cant wait to go back!!!

1) BACKSTREET BOYS CRUISE 2010!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
are you really surprised?!? haha....best trip ever!!!...right now you can check out my recap of day one...and i promiss...no...i double pinkie swear promise...that i will have the rest of my recaps up very soon...

so that was 2010 in a nutshell...i thought it was pretty amazing!!!
here's to hoping 2011 will be even better!!!!!

odds and ends

hello there everyone!...ive been mia for a while and for that i apologize...will you please forgive me? yes, you will? oh excellent!!!...haha!!! so lets see what have i been up to since we last spoke??? (warning: i may be all over the place and/or start rambling so just bare with me...thanks!)

as you all already know, concert guy moved and no longer takes the train...i was doing pretty good with the whole thing...i wasnt really thinking about him too much...so i was convinced that i was completely over it and didnt really miss him and all that jazz...but then the other night i had a dream about him and i made me realize that i do miss him more than i thought...i really wish something more happened there...it could have been great...but it didnt...oh well... =/ ...

it seems like i need someone new to crush on before i could ever really be over the crush on concert guy...one of these days one of my silly crushes is gonna turn into something more that just a silly crush...i really hope that day is sooner rather than later...i am so over being chronically single...it stinks...not fun at all...ya know what? im gonna stop hoping that a boyfriend is just gonna fall out of the sky...how about i start small...how about just a date...i just want to go on a date...would i be a nervous wreck? im sure i will be!...but its okay...this is something that should have happened 10 years ago...im a little behind...so what...i wasnt really ready then...but i am now...so if anyone out there has any advice or help they would like to give me i will take it!!! im serious about this...pretty please with a cherry on top!...

im playing fantasy football this year...its week 5 and my team is currently 2-2...unfortunately it looks like im gonna lose again...ugh...its not that i have a bad team...i have the second highest point total in the league...its just that the person im playing happens to have an awesome week...oh and it doesnt help that this week my star running back arian foster only rushed for 25yards...what is that about?!?...ugh...im gonna have to make some big moves for next week so i can get another win...i NEED another win!!!...

backstreet boys cruise is less than 2 months away!!!...i can not even begin to express how excited i am for this cruise!!!...on friday we got an email with the themes for the deck parties...international luv...masqurade...black & blue...AND they announced the door dec contest...little sis and i are so gonna win!...i have to keep my idea under wraps...but i can promise that its gonna be awesome!!!...now all i have to do is come up with an outfit for each theme and make all of my decorations...so what do you guys think...for international night should i represent good ol u.s. of a. OR represent dirty jersey???...its a tough call!!!...haha!!!...

this weekend i was in providence visiting little sis...little one and bff were there also...friday night they picked me up at the train station and then we were off...there was WAY more traffic than any of us had anticipated...so it took us over 5 hours to get there...it was brutal!!!...yesterday we participated in all sorts of fun fall festivities...we went to a corn maze...picked pumpkins...and went to a jack-o-lantern spectacular...the last thing was soo cool...they had tons of giant pumpkins cared into all sorts of things...it was really exciting...today we didnt do much...just went to lunch and watch some football...got upset while watching football (im looking at you foster!...haha!)...now im on the train going home...little one and bff are still up there...they both have off tomorrow but i do not...so i must go home...so sad right?!...

ive decided that i want to be on dance your a** off...that show was totally made for me and i could def win...but more on that another time...im going to make a full entry about why i want to be on it...

oprah is asking for backstreet fans to write to her in 2000 characters or less saying why you love them and how they have changed your life and things like that...i have no idea what to say!...of course i love bsb...they are my all time fav but i dont have a sob story or anything...i love because i do, they make me happy...its as simple as that...so i feel like there is no way that i could win without any story...so why should i even enter...but at the same time how do i know what shes looking for...if i enter at least i tried and there is the possibility of winning...but if i dont even put an entry in then there is no chance of winning...what the prize is, no one knows...but its oprah we are talking about here so its gotta be good!!!!....

ummm...i cant really thing of anything else to babble about this evening...so im gonna stop here...i guess ill have to find something else to occupy myself with for the remaining hour and a half of this train ride...

so as always...until next time happy blogging!!! =)

oh and ps...if you ever see an eligible bachelor please give him my number...thanks in advance!...haha!!! <3

concert guy's last day

unfortunately today was concert guys last day taking the good ol njtransit 713...so sad right?...im def gonna miss him...im also a little jealous that he doesnt have to deal with the stupid train ever again...its really been a nightmare lately...anyway i guess its story time now...haha...

so this morning when i got to the train he confessed his true feelings for me so we're gonna go on lots of dates and fall madly in love and live happily ever after...oh wait...that only happened in my imagination...haha!!!...

in real life nothing nearly as exciting happened...he just said standard things like "you guys will have to come visit me in hoboken" and "i'll be around dont worry"...but i know the chances are that ill never see him again...oh well...the school girl crush was fun while it lasted...now its time to move on...so readers if you know any single, straight, 25plus guys SET ME UP!...its not that hard...i know you can do it...haha!...

oh man...is this my stop already?...it cant be i barely wrote anything yet...well i was on twitter for a while...so that could be where the time went...speaking of twitter if youre not following me you should be...haha... @ashalia11

i guess we will continue chatting another time..well its not really chatting...more like me rambling on and on and you reading...but it works... =)

plus one

no this is not a blog about the mayors bff who i named plus one on here...so when i say plus one im talking about the whole notion of a plus one...not the person plus one who i have lined up as my plus one for the princesses wedding...

last year one of my good friends from high school got engaged...of course i was super excited for her...but at the same time i immediately thought "oh god who am i gonna bring to this wedding"...in my dreams i obviously wanted new guy to go with me...haha...and then he moved (and i cant talk to him anyway) so that idea was out...then i thought well maybe concert guy (at that point i didnt even officially meet him yet)...so i was thinking thats probably a no go...haha...

so i began to think that it was just gonna be another wedding for me to attend solo...ugh...i really dont mind going by myself...i just dont want to be the only loser there alone...ya know...but then it all changed when i actually became friends with concert guy...i figured i could def invite him!...i was all set...no more stressing over who to ask...

then the invite came...and it was addressed to ashley...no guest...ugh all that worrying over nothing...i wasnt invited with a guest...so again i had to come to terms with going by myself...but at least this time i figured i wouldn't be the only one alone...

now the wedding is only a few weeks away and my friend called me today to tell me a lot family they thought were coming arent...so she said if i want to bring someone with me i can...oh boy here we go again...haha...i went right back to my plan of asking concert guy to go with me...so this afternoon i sent him a text (im much better with writing than speaking,..haha)...i said "hey...do you wanna be my plus one for my friend's wedding?"...omg i was so nervous sending that simple little text...and the worst part of it is he hasnt responded yet...ahhh...lol...so i guess i should take this as a bad sign...but im not...im going to pretend that its a good sign...haha...

so what do you think it means?...oh no, did i just make things awkward between us?...i hope not!...thats all i really have to say without turning crazy so im gonna go but i will def keep you posted on any response that may or may not come it...

memory like a vault

i am def one of those people who remembers everything...well maybe not everything but i remember A LOT!...lol...i can remember every one's birthday...i remember dances i did when i was in 8th grade...i remember all kinds of things...so sometimes i say i have a memory like a vault...it goes in and never comes out...there arent to many people who remember as many things as i do...just found out that concert guy is one of those people...

thats right its the return of concert guy...i know i havent mentioned him in a while...but there hasnt been much to say about him lately cause we havent hung out outside of the train since the whole situation with crazy wet hair girl...

as you know last weekend was backstreet weekend...saw them in ac on saturday night...in monmouth on sunday night...and at mohegan sun on tuesday night...since mohegan is a little more than 3 hours from me i took off work on tuesday...and then we got home super late that night so i called in sick on wednesday...when i finally woke up at noon i saw that i missed a text from concert guy...it said "arti wants to know where you are, shes worried you didnt make it back from ct"...

lets examine this shall we...first of all im going to pretend that arti is code for concert guy...so it was really him who wanted to know where i was...not arti...haha...and second of all i dont remember telling that i was going to ct on tuesday...when i saw him last monday i told him about the other 2 concerts that i already went to but i didnt say anything about tuesdays show...cause i remember when i got on the train i thought to myself "oh i should have told him that i wont be here tomorrow"...but i do remember telling him a long time ago about the 3 shows...maybe i said something about them all being right by each other...did he remember from back then?...how is that possible?...or did i say something monday and completely forget about it?...maybe in all the excitment i said im going again tomorrow...but i dont think so...but i must have cause how did he know?!?...oh boy and im the one who claims to have a good memory...haha!...

well either way i know i didnt go on and on about it to him like i do with everyone else...so im going to take the fact that he knew where i was (even though i dont remember telling him) as a sign that he actually pays attention when i talk to him...and it could be just one more sign telling me that im not crazy and he WAS in fact flirting with me all those times ive mentioned before...haha...doubt it!...haha...but ill just pretend that it means way more than it really does just so i can feel good about myself!...haha!...

thats it for now kiddies...do you think im still crazy???...probably right? (*heads nodding yes*)...oh well...it is what it is... = )

713 drama

earlier today i was writing in my trusty blog all about how truly crazy wet hair girl is...then i realized that i was being really mean...and i dont want my blog to be mean...i want it to be fun and happy and silly and boy crazy...haha!...so i decided to erase the post...also i really cant remember if i ever gave her the link to this...if she ever read the things i was writing...friendship def over!...well to be honest im on the verge of phasing her out...i dont think i can handle the crazy anymore...it was entertaining for a while but now im over it...

i feel really bad about this because i remember how crappy i felt when my high school friends phased me out...it was horrend!...but there are some major differences...1) im not crazy! and 2) i was bff with these people for years...wet hair girl has been my train friend for a few months...so its totally different right???...or am i just an awful person???

shes been pretty nutty all along but the thing that set her over the edge was when she left concert guy and his friends at a bar in belmar with no ride home and all of their stuff was in her car...and then she refused to give the stuff back...so bizzar right?!?...this was a situation that had absolutely nothing to do with me (because i wasnt there) but since she refused to talk to concert guy or his friends she put me in the middle...this fight blew up so big that now its 2 weeks later and they still dont talk to each other and concert guy doesnt stand in our spot in the morning anymore...so some days i stand with him and some days i stand with her...yesterday im pretty sure she was mad at me for standing with concert guy...its so stupid...hes still my friend and neither of us did anything wrong...did i mention that im 100% on his side in this stupid fight...and no my judgment is not skewed because i think hes dreamy...haha!...im on his side because wet hair girl is capital C crazy!!!!...i better stop with that story there before i get mean again...oops...lol...

oh which brings me to another talking point...every time i chat with concert guy it becomes increasingly difficult not to mention my blog...its a force of habit for me to tell everyone i talk to to read my blog...when we talk about wet hair girl i have the urge to say something like "oh that is so going in my blog"...or "you need to read what i said about her in my blog!"...or (what i say to most people) "dont you read my blog?"...haha!...but then i quickly realize what a HUGE mistake that would be and keep my mouth shut...haha!...im sure he would appreciate what i have to say about wet hair girl and arti but i dont think i could handle it if he read everything i wrote about him!...i think that would be disastrous for me...talk about embarrassing...oh god...after reading he might put me in the crazy category with wet hair girl...and who wants that???...not me thats fo sho...im worried its gonna slip out one day...and then what?...what if he wants the address?...what am i going to say?..."sorry i cant give you that information because pretty much every entry is about you and i just cant let you read it"...i think that would make him want to read it more....dont you?!?...

i guess i will just have to be extra careful...i cant mention my blog or twitter around any of the train friends or their friends...(well i guess arti would be okay to read it...but im her least favorite so she wouldnt care...actually now that she thinks wet hair girl is a floozy i may have moved up a spot...yessss!!!...haha!)...but if it does slip out i will just have to except the consequences...see what happens when you talk about people...nothing good...haha!

well until next time...happy blogging! =)

okay so i lied...nbd...

last post (actually 2 posts ago) i said that i would stop over analyzing everything...yeah that plan isnt working for me...

friday night i went out with the train friends again!...we went to the breakfast club...so much fun!...but i couldnt help but wish my lifers were there with me...they're really the only ones who understand that i wear my sunglasses at night and i wanna dance with somebody!...my train friends dont understand why i love those songs so much and everything that goes with them!!!...omg i miss my lifers! <3...

anyway...i really tried to just be like well this this and this happened friday night and it is what it is...i even received a text from the mayor asking if there was any more questionable flirting going on and i said no because i didnt want to read into anything..ya know...i was doing so well until that text and then my wheels started turning...

after thinking about the events of friday night there is one thing that i cant let go...randomly through out the night concert guy would come over to me and kiss me on the forehead (and one time on the cheek which totally gave my butterflies...haha...)...what is that all about?!?... is it just like "hey friend whats up" like i would kiss my cousin on the cheek?...or is it "heeeyyy, i secretly want to kiss you for real"???...i just dont know!...and how do i find out what his true intentions are???...i mean i cant just say "hey concert guy, if you want to make out with me all you have to do is say so!"...cause what if its the first option?...we would totally be at awkward level 5 the upside down cow!...its hard to recover from that....haha!!!...

see this is why i need to stop over analyzing...i am a nut case...def off my rocker!...haha!...what do you think it means???...i need to know!!!...yeah im crazy...haha!!!...i guess i will just have to wait it out and see what happens next time we hang out...which hopefully will be at my birthday party saturday night!...he says hes coming but ya never know...if he does come the mayor said he will do some recon for me...and then he should be able to confirm or deny my level of craziness...

ummm...i wonder what would happen if someone let slip about my josie grosie situation....maybe concert guy would step up and put me out of my misery!...oh the imagination i have!...haha!!!...see, crazy!...oh boy...i need help...haha!

why are boys so difficult???

clearly i have more trouble than your average 24 year old when it comes to boys...well maybe not more but def different!...i have a hard time expressing any confidence in this area due to lack of experience...but how am i going to get any experience without having confidence in myself...its an evil circle im stuck in and im not really going to discuss it too much because i think i already have...and because im not here to throw myself a pity party...all i want to do today is examine the facts...

this weekend i went out with concert guy (as mentioned in yesterday's entry)...relax it wasnt just the two of us...although i wish it was!...hehe...it was concert guy, a few of his friends, wet hair girl and me...we went to v lounge in new brunswick...got lost going there and coming home...danced the night away...and had tons of fun!!!

as the night went on i came to the realization that concert guy probably sees me as a friend only...ugh...i had such high hopes for this one...there was ZERO flirting going on...not even things that i pretend are flirting even though they're really not...haha!...

i drove everyone there and he didnt even sit in the front seat...and it would make perfect sense for him to sit in the front because 1) he was the only boy and 2) hes like 10 feet tall (okay maybe not 10 feet but he is tall)...why would he want to sit in the back?...actually now that i think about it they probably planned that for reasons that have nothing to do with me and everything to do with the fact that i dont think they wanted to sit next to wet hair girl...oh well...but still no front seat...haha!...

another thing...i am a freakin awesome dancer! (i dont want to sound conceded or anything like that but its true)...i was whipping out some of my best moves and yet not once the whole night did he dance with me...maybe i was too good...yeah lets say that...haha!...at least on the way home he said how awesome i am about a million times...i dont think any of them were expecting me to be that good...i love the shock value...=)

so anyway i have decided that if concert guy just wants to be friends then thats okay...im done over analyzing every little move...if something happens great...if not oh well...its not any different from any other time in my life ive had a school girl crush on a boy...

my situation is what it is...its silly to dwell on it...i mean i passed pathetic a long time ago...now its just whatever this is who i am deal with it...so im moving on from constantly feeling sorry for myself...things will work out for me one day...but for now im going to be happy being just who i am! =)

happy 100th post to me!!!

yay!!!...i finally made it all the way to 100...(and yet i dont feel a day over 24...haha!!!)

i wish i had some type of AWESOME story to share for this monumentous blog posting...and if i wait around for one to happen who knows when i would be making this entry...so instead i just have some odds and ends for your reading enjoyment! =)

concert guy~> i am more confused than ever with him...this past weekend he texted me to see what i was doing...he said he was gonna be at one place and then going to another place after that...so i said im going to dinner with my sister but i will def meet him later...after dinner i texted him to find out is he was at place 1 or 2...i got no responce...wtf?!?...whats going on???...why would he invite me out and then not tell me where he was...thats weird right...or no...i dont know...i wish i could just say hey concert guy lets go on a date...but i cant because i cant let things get awkward...i still have to take the 713 and see him everymorning...uh oh...i hope hes not thinking the same thing...im sure hes not...haha...

my phone~> my trusty voyager is now broken...the hinge cracked so now when i open it to text (or write in my blog) the top flops all over the place...its really annoying...everything still works so its not life altering but im still really upset...haha...at least i can get a new one at the end of june...only 3 months to go...

sytycd~> there is a brand new format headed our way for season 7...im kind of excited about it...they needed to do something after the joke that was season 6...this topic will probably get its own entry so i wont go on too much about it...

backstreet boys~> little sis and i are going on a bsb cruise!!!...ahhhhhhh!!!!...its not until december so i have pleanty of time to talk about it...im sooo excited!...its like a dream come true! =)

birthday~> the big two five is quickly approaching (in 37 days to be exact)...i cant wait to go on my big disney trip!!!...i feel like ive been planing it forever...but its almost here and i am super excited to celebrate there!...also i've been thinking about having another party...a local one so everyone whos not going to disney with me and still celebrate...as far as im concerned there can NEVER be too much celebrating!!!

well i think thats it for now...i'll check in again soon...i promise!

i need to take flirting 101

hello there blog readers!

i have decided that i really need to learn how to flirt...i am clueless...and whats worse is i dont even think i would be able to tell if someone was flirting with me...this is def a life skill that i am laking...it would be helpful in accomplishing some of my boy related goals...dont you think so? i do!...haha!...

of course there's a story to go along with this new plan that took me WAY too long to come up with...(flirting...so easy...why didnt i think of it sooner???...haha!)

i have been hanging out with concert guy a lot lately (and by a lot i mean we hung out once like a month ago and then 3 nights in a row this week)...these past few times we were together i couldnt tell if he was flirting with me or not...lets examine the clues shall we...

1) he always makes a point to ask me to sit next to him

2) one night when i was leaving i went to say goodbye with the standard semi air kiss on the cheek...ya know just mwah and back off (this was my plan of action based on how he was saying goodnight to everyone else)...but he choose to go with the extended hug option after the semi air kiss on the cheek...(does this one even make any sense???)...the reason it makes the list is because thats the way i great or depart someone i care about...not just some train friend...AND i was the only one to get the extended hug...

3) saturday night concert guy told wet hair girl that his friend had a crush on her...before the friend came wet hair girl was getting nervous (which didnt really make a whole lot of sense because she lives with her boyfriend)...so concert guy said just relax and flirt with him a little...so she said i havent flirted with anyone in so long i dont know what to do (big lies...she flirts with all the boys all the time)...so concert guy was like its easy you can just touch his thigh, it means you're into him...and as he said it he was touching MY thigh!...the following was going on in my head: oh.mygod...really?!?...is he really touching my leg right now???...oh no what does my face look like? shocked im sure...good thing its dark so no one can see the bright red color im probably turning...i must keep my reaction under controll...lol...(wow am i a nut case or what?!?...haha)...instead of freaking out in my mind i should have said something clever...but clearly i couldnt think of anything...so anyway after the fact i started thinking was he doing that because he really was flirting with me???...he even said hey retard THIS means im flirting with you...OR was i simply just used as an example because i was sitting next to him (which brings us back to point number 1...haha)...im sure its the later of the 2 but it may not be...ya know...

4) well thats really all i got...there may have been other things but like i said im not the best at reading the flirt...haha!

as you can tell im a mess...if i was given a flirting test right now i would probably get a zero...haha...i need help kids...so if anyone out there knows of some type of flirting class i really need it...cause the more i hang out with concert guy the more intense the silly crush i have on him gets...i cant let another one slip away...i refuse!

wishy washy no more

at the time of my last post i was on the fence about concert guy...but now im off the fence and 100% in school girl crush mode...haha...also thanks to wet hair girl (and some facebook stalking...haha) i am now about 95% sure that my speculation is FALSE!!!...

so what does all this mean???...well nothing really yet...but there is a plan...so far everytime wet hair girl and i have come up with a plan reguarding concert guy it has worked...so lets hope this plan works too!!! would you like to know what the plan is??? well im gonna tell you no worries...haha...but first lets rewind a bit...before we really even met concert guy and wet hair girl would always say to me things like"i want you to date him" and "i would love to set you guys up"...i say no objections here!...so the plan is for her to start saying those types of things to him about me when they take the train home together and im not around...its almost perfect because i avoid any awkwardness and the seed gets planted in his head that hey im available...okay its totally lame but who cares right...at least its something...fingers crossed...haha!

also (this doesnt really have anything to do with the plan but i thought i would share anyway) i just realized today that i knew who concert guy was way before the train and way before the concert...when i was in college i worked at a summer day camp..this camp was located at a swim club...guess who was a lifeguard at the swim club...thats right concert guy...how weird is that???...i knew him before i knew him...i still cant get over it...

well thats it for now...let me know what you think...

untill next time happy blogging!!!

eh...maybe not...

so last week i was all kinds of excited over the idea of concert guy and the fact that i stepped up and actually talk to him...that was huge for me...but now that i think about it the chances of him turning from fobo to bofo are slim to none...if my speculation is correct then there is really nothing i can do that would make him want to date me...too bad for me...

of course i still want to be friends with concert guy...so far he seems like a good guy and i would probably have tons of fun with him if we were to hang out outside of the train...and he would be good to keep around if i need a wedding date in the future...ya know...hopefully we become closer friends...and maybe just maybe (even if my speculation is true) he wouldnt mind helping a friend out in the josie grossie department...that would be awesome...hey my deadline is quickly approaching so i dont have much time left...i'll have to work fast...haha...concert guy will just have to go on the accelerated program like bff did last summer (i felt like i knew him for years after just 1 month...lol...)...

so in closing...maybe i should start picking boys to crush on that i actually have a chance with...or maybe i should stop looking all together...they say it comes when you least expect it...but i dont care if i expect it or not...as long as its soon!!!

new guy is out...

...and concert guy is in! (or did i call him train guy???...i cant remember...haha)

so after all that drama that was my summer crush on new guy i think im totally over it now (almost 6 months later)...of course when f.u.n. and bff talk about him i say things like "did he tell you he secretly loves me?"...and then laugh...haha...to be honest i never had any real hope for a relationship there...i just thought he was hot!...well i think i'll always think hes hot...hehe...=)...he was kinda like a reach bofo...almost like a reach school when your applying for college...ya know...you really want to go there and you dont think you'll get in but you apply anyway...so yeah thats that but i still cant wait for the summer to come rolling around again just so i can catch another glimpse of him...(does that sound creepy???)...

now onto concert/train guy...in case you missed it (or forgot) concert guy is the cute guy who takes the 713 in the morning and said heeeyyy to me at beatstock this summer...ever since the concert i have been wanting to say hi to him at the train but i was too scared...(hey after what happened whenever i tried to talk to new guy can you blame me?...haha)... then i made some new train friends and every morning we would chat...mostly about the fact that we wanted to make concert guy our friend...finally a few weeks ago the weird lady who talks to us in the morning saw concert guy on the train home so she sat next to him and made friends...perfect! now we had an in...and yet i was still scared to say hi (wow what a loser...haha)...but everything changed on monday feb 1...a new month, a new out look on life...the weird lady said thats it im going over there...so she went and we followed...so yay i have officially met train guy and im no longer afraid to talk to him...even better on tuesday none of my other train friends were there so i talked to concert guy all by myself AND i invited him to meet us after work on friday!...

its just baby steps but im proud of myself!...i cant wait until friday...lets see what happens!!! =)

beatstock

i want to start of by saying HAPPY TUTU BIRTHDAY to the princess!!!...i love you and i hope youre having an AWESOME day!!!

i know beatstock was a few weekends ago but i just realized i never talked about it here so here goes...

i went with little sis, little one, and k dubbs...on the way there we sung old and new bsb songs really loud and obnoxiously...haha...k dubbs filmed us doing so...so if youre lucky enough to be my facebook friend you may want to avoid those if they make it on there...haha!...when we got there it was about 90 bazillion degrees...ugh...way too hot...and then we went in but the gates to the theater werent open yet so we were squashed with about a million other people in the waiting are lets call it (cause im not really sure what its called)...

so when we where waiting there in the crowd some tall guy was pushing through then stopped right by me, stared at me for what felt like forever, and then goes "hey how are you" like he knew me or something...of course i was friendly back but i had absolutely no idea who this guy was...but then after he walked away i realized that he takes the train in the morning with me...it was just really bazaar cause he's never said anything to me before that nor has he said anything since then...but at the concert it was like we were old pals...maybe we should be pals...or maybe more than that...he is pretty cute...who knows maybe concert guy will even replace new guy for the time being (probably not but maybe)...hehe...

back to the concert...lol...the gates finally opened and we were herded in like cattle...we got a decent spot on the lawn...all of the acts were pretty good...the concert was for ktu so its all dance music which is always fun!...i was pleasantly surprised when crystal waters came on...i totally didnt realize she sings party in the ghetto AND 100% pure love!!!...i dont think the high school kids in front of my knew either of those songs but i do and i was super excited that she was singing them!!!...haha...

onto the reason i went to beatstock in the first place...backstreet boys!!!...they were AMAZING per usual...but im not gonna lie...i was a little disappointed that they only sang 3 songs and wasted one on i want it that way...its a shame that iwitw is their most popular song because they have WAY better stuff than that!!!...yeah so after they were done we left...and thats it really

oh and for anyone who was wondering...new guy was not at the compound when we got back...oh well...like i said last blog...i gotta move on...lol...