time to catch up

hello kiddies!

it looks like its time to catch up a little bit...i really havent said anything about whats been going on in my life since i left for bsbcrusie2011 back the first week in december...its now the middle of february...not much has happened but i thought id give you a quick run down anyway...so here goes...

i was finally able to put some closure on the whole clark kent thing...i knew sports guy wasnt really gonna help me so instead of dragging it out forever i decided that the work christmas party would be my last chance...i was gonna make something happen or move on...at the party cool girl and i saw him walk in so we found sports guy and told him to introduce us to clark kent...sports guy was a little buzzed at this point so he was a lot more willing to share info...and thats when he dropped the bomb...he said that clark kent has a girlfriend now...ugh!!!...at first i was mad at him for not helping me sooner...but then he shared other facts about clark kent that i was not previously aware of and they were total turn offs...so i dont think it would have worked out anyway...oh well...so im okay with how things turned out...ill just have to be on the look out for someone else!...=)

up next was christmas and new year's...they both went by with nothing too spectaclar to report on...

january brought defeat for my jets...they finished the season 8 and 8...i blame that model mark sanchez was dating...if he was with me none of this would have happened...haha!!!....just kidding...the team just seemed to fall apart...but there is always next year!

also in january i went to an aaron carter concert...i cant say too many good things about his performance but i am still sooo happy i went...this guy alexis babini opened for him...i fell in love...he is so cute and his songs are great...i dont want to get into too much detail because i will be dedicating an entire post to him soon!

now we're up to february and so far its been the month of concerts...feb 2 and 4 i went to nick carter "i'm taking off tour"...on feb 14 i went to see alexis babini...and on feb 17 i saw big time rush...ill probably write a recap of all of these...

so i guess im all caught up!...things to look foward to from me include a meme that cait tagged me in, reviews of the concerts i went to, a vip comparison bsb vs btr, and probably a new mini series called "i heart ..." where ill talk about all the people, shows and things i love...should be fun!...

well i must be going...until next time, happy blogging! =)

*please note that im not home so this is getting posted without a spell check...sorry for all the mistakes!!

why do i torture myself?

*disclaimer* if you dont want to listen to me whine then please stop reading!...haha!

its been about 3 weeks (i think) since i told sports guy how i feel about clark kent and got the disappointing news that he doesnt want to date anyone from work (i think thats stupid cause its not like we're on the same floor but whatever)...so since all that went down i havnt seen clark kent around...which is totally what i wanted...outta site outta mind...i told myself everyday that i had to get over him cause its never gonna happen...i thought it was working...

but then today came...i was on my way to the caf for coffee and clark kent turned the corner and walked straight towards us...and i got the same crushy butterflies in the stomach feeling that ive been getting...so clearly telling myself to get over it isnt working...ugh!...the worst part is that i used to feel happy after passing by him in the morning...now i just feel sadness...sadness because i know nothings gonna happen...i used to have hope and now i have none...this blows!...

obviously i just have to get over it but how...i just dont know what to do...i cant help the way i feel...i dont control the butterflies...they just appear!...haha!!!...maybe it just wasnt enough time!...hopefully they will go away and i can stop being sad over my latest failed attempt at finding love...*sigh*

womp womp

after tuesday's encounter with clark kent, i couldnt stop thinking about it...i thought about what i should have said...i thought about what could have happened if i opened my mouth...i thought about what i could do to make next time better...i thought about everything....but mostly i thought...what is the matter with me?!?...i decided nothing would ever happen if i didnt do something about it...

so thursday night i finally broke down and told sports guy about my crush on clark kent...lets just say it didnt go as i had hoped...he pretty much said its a no go...ugh!...at first i was bummed out a little, i thought oh well ill just add him to the long list of crushes that went no where *sigh*...but then as the night went on and i had time to process what sports guy said, i got more and more upset...i even cried a little (not completely because of this but it was def a factor)...it makes my heart hurt that i have a long list of crushes that went no where...and it just plain old sucks!!!!!

so what now?...i dont want to continue letting this guy consume my thoughts if nothings ever gonna happen...so i have to get over him...it sounds simple but it will take some time for me to completely stop thinking about what could have been...in the mean time i will do the same thing i always do, i will pick myself up and continue to move forward the best i can...im gonna be okay, alright, fine...

perfect opportunity down the drain

this morning i was presented with the perfect opportunity to make some sort of social contact with clark kent...and what did i do?...nothing!!!...ugh!!!...cue story time...

as you know i go to the caf every morning to get breakfast with sports guy and super genius...on our way back i noticed clark kent walking in front of us...sports guy said "look, its your boy"...not sure if he was joking because he always says stuff like that or if he knows that yes, he is my current fobo...haha...well anyway...i got super nervous...you know butterflies in the stomach, shortness of breath, sweaty palm...the usual...haha!...i tried to continue with the conversation i was having without looking too obvious...it was tough...haha!

so we caught up to clark kent when we reached the elevators...he held the door for us...so i got on and said "thanks"...and then he proceeded to talk to sports guy about last night's jets game...and here is where my perfect opportunity was...im a jets fan...i watched the game...i could have said plenty of things about it...and yet i said nothing...NOTHING!!!!...the whole time i was screaming inside my head to say something, anything...but nope, it didnt happen...ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!...the worst part (or best depending on how you look at it) is 2 minutes earlier i said all the same exact things about the game that he did...it would have been so easy for me to just agree with him...and still nothing came out...ugh!!...

im so disappointed in myself...everything about the moment was perfect (we even matched...haha!)...and yet i choked under pressure...i just couldnt do it...i know that one stupid elevator conversation wont magically make him fall in love with me...but if i cant even have one stupid elevator conversation then how am i supposed to have a real conversation???...

why does this happen to me?...im so jealous of the people who can just say whatever they want to whoever they want any time they want...i wish i could be that girl...but its just so hard...

so there you have it ladies and gentlemen...my big in person speaking debut was "thanks"...womp womp!!!...well theres always next time!! (and i guess "thanks" is beeter than nothin!...haha!)

summer of eleven...

...yeah, it was heaven!!!

i hate to say it but labor day was yesterday and you know what that means...summer is unofficially over...boo!!!...the end of the summer is always a little sad for me...so instead of dwelling on it lets talk about all the awesome times i had this summer!!!

most of my weekends were spent dts...i dont really do anything special while im there but just being there is special in and of itself...i love everything about being down there...i love hanging out on our deck all day long...i love listening to music outside...i love getting a tan...i love that you can go out to breakfast in your pjs and messy hair and no one cares...i love watching movies on the beach while digging my feet into the sand...i love gazing at the stars trying to find the little dipper...i love being super close to my little squish...i love lounging in the baby pool...i love all the family drama...i love crawling back into bed to watch a movie if it gets too hot (or too chilly...haha) outside...i love joking and laughing with everyone...i love discussing strategies to find the best time to go home to get the least amount of traffic...i love taking a shower outside...i just love it all!!!

besides all the greatness of being down the shore i also had a really amazing backstreet summer...i went to 6 nkotbsb concerts...experienced my first (and 2nd and 3rd) vip...and most importantly i made a bunch of new friends thanks to the boys!...these girls have been so great all summer...we've exchanged countless emails sharing all kinds of things...yes i have little sis and little one to talk about bsb with but i really enjoy having all these new girls to share my thoughts and opinions with...we even had a bsb weekend...we watched old videos and played the board game and had a really fun time...(it you want to read more about the weekend my friend laura gave a quick recap over on her blog...so check it out here! )...

i know that my obsession level got up close to where it was during the black and blue era...maybe even surpassed it...i dont know...its close...haha!!...but who cares?!...im having fun and thats all that matters!!!

so only down side to this summer is that it came and went and i have made zero progress on the clark kent front...ugh!...sports guy comes back from vacay tomorrow so ill have to have a chat with him and get the ball rolling with that...

well i hope everyone had a spectacular summer like i did...lets see what the fall has in store for me...i hope its good!!! =)

until next time happy blogging!!!

smiles all around!

hey everyone!

i know i havent been around as much lately...i just havent had anything to say...well actually i did write a post last week but i never published it (edit: just published it today 8/29)...it didnt turn out the way i wanted it to...i just kept talking in circles...it was bad...so im gonna try again...totally different topic but lets see how this one turns out...haha!!!

i had an awesome weekend!!!...a few of my friends came dts and we had a lot of fun watching old videos and playing games and laying on the beach and laughing and telling stories and all kinds of good stuff...

the only problem with that is very little sleep was had...i found it extremely tough to wake up this morning...i thought it was just gonna be one of those days that i would be tired and miz...but it turned out not to be so bad...

every morning i around 845 i go to breakfast with sports guy and super genius...today on our way back from the caf we ran into clark kent waiting for the elevator...and then we got on the same elevator...and i gotta admit that my heart was racing a little bit...he was talking to sports guy but of course i didnt say anything...haha!...i was too busy concentrating on finding the right balance between looking in his direction every so often and staring...haha!!!...he is so cute! i cant believe i didnt notice this earlier...whats the matter with me?!...

so this small barely 2 minute encounter with clark kent was enough to change my tired blah mood into a happy one...i know it sounds cheesy but i found myself randomly smiling throughout the day thinking about him...the other day i was ready to throw in the towel and forget about him but i just cant do it...i need to press forward and get on sports guy to introduce me to him and get me a date!!!!...maybe ill text him right now...hmmm...but what do i say?!? oh no, im scared!!! haha!...ill think of something!...

well thats all for now kiddies...wish me luck and i will talk to you later! =)

ps~ i want to wish a very happy birthday to my number 1 all time fav... HOWIE D!!!

update: i sent sports guy a text after i wrote this

me: i should have said this earlier today but i got distracted then i forgot...so before i forget again...i cant believe you didnt introduce me to clark kent this morning! whats the matter with you?! haha!

sports guy: i dont get involved in clark kents luv life anymore

grrr...why does he have to make things so difficult for me?!?...why cant he just set up a date?!?...haha!...i just hope itsnt his way of saying theres no chance he would go on a date with me...ugh...why am i so paranoid?!? haha!!!

and so it begins...

"summer of eleven, its gonna be heaven" has officially (or unofficially depending on how you look at it) begun...yay!!!!

i spent the weekend down the shore...overall it was a really fun weekend...there were lots of people here...some drama that i tried to stay out of...and lots of laughs...i dont think i laughed so hard so many days in a row in a while...and thats saying a lot cause i laugh all the time...but now i am exahusted...sitting out in the sun all day really takes a lot outta ya...haha!...good thing i have off from work all week...i am so excited to sleep in everyday and do whatever i want all day...yess!!!

i saw the hangover part 2 saturday night...sooo funny!!!...if you havent seen it yet then you should go right now!!!...my advice to you is to go into it with an open mind...dont expect there to be a thought provoking plot...cause there isnt one...its exactly the same plot line as the first one...but know what? it doesnt matter...it was still laugh after laugh!!! it was awesome!!!...im laughing now just thinking about it!!...haha!!!!!

and finally you didnt think i would drop this crush bomb on you last time and then not say anything about it did you???...haha!!!!...so i think im gonna stick with clark kent...it just works...if you ever saw him you would be like hes totally not clark kent at all...but it really does work...and he can totally turn out to be my very own superman!...well thats the plan at least...haha!!... ; )

but of course theres a problem already...so heres the story...clark kent is going to aruba in september for a wedding...and ever since we found out about this wedding cool girl and i have been tellin sports guy to tell him to take us to aruba with him...cool girl was a little more vocal about wanting to go to aruba than i was so sports guys finally said something to clark kent...but he only mentioned her...which at the time i was totally okay with that cause i didnt admit to myself that i actually liked him and really wanted to go...since that first time sports guys said something a few weeks ago nothing else was said...

as you know thursday is when i realized that i am totally crushin on clark kent...friday sports guy came back from lunch and told us that he finally followed up about aruba...the way he made it sound is that clark kent is totally into taking cool girl to the wedding...noooo....so this means that they had an actual conversation about her and it seems like he asked a lot of questions and stuff...so now it would be weird to say oh no, not her, the other one...ugh...just my luck...but i guess its my fault...i could have totally said something earlier...but in true ashley fashion i kept my mouth shut...ugh...why am i so lame?!...haha!!...

yeah so now im not really too sure what to do...i guess im going to have to let sports guy know that all jokes aside i actually want to go out with clark kent...but thats just a really weird conversation to have...it would be like telling your uncle or something...like its okay if he knew but i dont know if i could tell him...i dont know...does that even make sense?!?...haha!!!...but i think thats the only way to move this along...because keep in mind we've never actually met...so yeah this whole thing is kindda weird...well i like i said earlier i have a whole week off from work...so i have some time to think about it...we shall see what happens!...fingers crossed it works out!!! =)

well i must be going now...i hope everyone had a fantabulous weekend!!!

(i dont know why but spell check isnt working so sorry for any mistakes!)